How I Missed God’s Life-Giving Love
/The first time I remember learning about J.O.Y was in Sunday School. I was young elementary age and my well-intentioned teacher walked the class through the acronym.
“Want to have true JOY in your life? Then you must have your priorities straight. To live a proper Christian life that pleases God, we should follow these three simple steps. Jesus always comes first - your daily devotions, in all your decisions, in your job, in everything. Others come second - your family and friends are second after God. You serve them, love them and sacrifice for them. But only after you have followed what God asks from you. Then there’s you. You come after serving God and your family. Jesus Others You - that’s how you have that true joy.”
Of course, I’m summarizing - I can’t remember exact verbiage all the way back to second grade or so.
While at first glance, this model may seem balanced and Biblical to you, the problem is…it’s not. I used to live it. I’ve seen the results of a culture which has been raised applying this to their lives.
It’s not as much the JOY teaching in itself that’s so wrong as it is all the other stuff - the misuse and twisting - that has gone along with it. More was caught than taught. It was prominent in many fundamentalist Christian churches and organizations.
Parents characteristically chose reading their Bible, or preparing for a Bible study over paying attention to their kids. God first!
Husbands used “this is what God is asking of me” to excuse their own choices instead of listening to their wife’s concerns and feelings. God first!
Moms worked their fingers to the bone raising their quiver-full of kids and serving at the church twice a week and leading VBS every summer and selling Thirty-One to help pay the bills and serving their husbands in whatever way that was being interpreted by the husband because…God first, others second, me…I don’t matter.
Young people experienced burn-out before graduating from college because they were doing all the “right” things from such a young age - leading Bible studies or teaching Sunday School, going door-to-door soul winning, singing in the choir or leading worship, going on missions trips, serving their families by taking on adult responsibilities and more! All for the spiritual reason of…God first, others second, me…uhm…
Pastors and ministry leaders stayed so busy putting…God first and others second…that they lost not only congregations, but their own families.
The JOY culture lead to unhealthy, tired people who were working endlessly to please God and be a good Christian. Let me say that again…they were working endlessly to please God and be a good Christian.
No definite explanation about what “you” means ever followed the JOY teaching. The closest would be that Jesus is the one who fills us - our devotions and prayer time, what you do to put God first, will be what fills you. It was like if You want JOY you do the J and the O part. A bit skewed, ya think?
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Other words which frequented such teachings were - die to self, take up your cross daily, self-sacrifice, be a servant or give until it hurts. Again, all “Christian” ideas but taken shamefully out of context and stretched to fit any mold the teacher, leader or authority wanted at the time. Teachings such as JOY were used to control and manipulate good people.
Topics like self-care, self-awareness, self-love, serving from a place of rest - those were all self-centered, selfish new age or worldly themes. You hear the word self so that means “bad.”
You are always giving, but never receiving from others. Worn out. Burnt out. Emotionally and physically depleted. But pressing ever onward because...God first!
Again, I am blown away at the wisdom “the world” has to give us. The well loved, classic sitcom Friends, has Joey, in his own heartfelt way, articulate one of the key elements of a healthy human relationships.
“And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.”
Unbalanced J.O.Y.
God created us to need each other. When we are not both giving and receiving from those around us, (thanks, Joey!) God’s perfect plan is being altered.
“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”
If we have not learned to understand ourselves we are actually not living by God’s design.
This is exhausting. Our intentions might be right, but living out this belief will leave you empty.
Is your experience like mine? The giving and receiving was always being directed outwards from me, but was never being given back to me. I’d swallowed a lie about Christian life. Yes, I believed that works didn’t pave my way to Heaven, but yet I had to do good works to prove my way there.
Unbalanced JOY:
Sacrifice is from duty, not choice.
Ignores personal boundaries.
Emotionally and physically depleting.
Easily abused or manipulated.
Always works harder.
Ignores triggers and warning signs.
Gives, but rarely receives.
Life-Giving Love
“...Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.”
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”
Wait a second - love your neighbor as you love yourself? How are we to love our neighbors (others) if we do not love ourselves? Loving oneself isn’t taught in the JOY way of thinking.
And another thing, we were made in the image of God and He sent His Son, Jesus to take on the form of a human.
“And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.”
Part of loving myself is understanding myself. Self-awareness means I know/understand what my needs are and how they should be met. I want what’s best for myself and I do the best I can do see my own needs are met.
So continuing in this logic - if I am to love others as I love myself, that means I have to know me, take care of me, and put me first sometimes…so i can best understand how to serve and love others.
Shut the front door! It’s the Golden Rule.
If you don’t love God’s way, love is incomplete, His life-giving circle of love (and joy!) is broken.
Life-Giving Love:
Allows for self-awareness.
Full of grace.
Respects personal boundaries.
Renews and revives.
Symbiotic.
Makes time to rest.
Choses to sacrifice, from a place of balance.
Do you see that continuous circle of God’s life-giving love?
When I had this realization, I felt like an elephant just got off of my chest, I could breathe. A burden was lifted. I’d been “doing it wrong” my whole life, i’d been working too hard. God’s plan is perfect. We Earthlings just messed it up.
True joy isn’t found in doing more, trying to love God better, proving your commitment to Him or working harder to serve those around you. It’s not you making all the effort. Your battery needs charged, friend, you’re outta juice. There’s a reason for that.
Choose God’s Life-Giving Love.
