Surgery, rest and stopping.
/My doctor said many women have this procedure done on Friday and return to work on Tuesday. After all it’s “just” laparoscopic.
Thinking positively I figured to myself, “Worst case, I’m functioning 100% within a week.” So, in I went on a Friday for surgery, fully expecting to be like those other women.
The Tuesday after surgery rolled around and I was flat on my back, helpless and in pain. Without assistance, I was incapable of getting in or out of bed. Showering or using the toilet still required help from my husband.
Every hour through the night shocks of pain shot through my gut, rendering a full night’s rest impossible. I’d had reactions to the prescription pain medications the doctor prescribed, so I was living on Advil and essential oils.
Now it was ten days after surgery, and I still couldn’t be up doing anything for more than an hour and I needed a nap. There was lingering pain and a few other surgery related “discomforts.” What was going on with me!? Forty was drawing closer, was it age? A C-section hadn’t debilitated me like this. But back then, I was in my twenties, so it had to be age, right?
The physical struggle was real. There had been things growing inside my body that weren’t supposed to be there. Surgery was medically necessary. Four incisions now decorated my belly, one of which had even redesigned my belly button! I’d had intense vomiting and other reactions to the meds, that was real. My pain before and after the procedure, that was real too.
In-between watching Netflix and restless sleeping, my mind wandered. I’d prepared what I could ahead of time for two weeks of homeschool, Halloween costumes, household chores and groceries. I’d finished up some work things and even worked ahead in my life-coaching class. Things were supposed to be ok for a while. But instead, I felt anxiously stressed and overwhelmed. Lists of things to come flooded my weary mind.
Then it hit me. “I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to rest. I don’t know how to be the one who needs help.”
I’d always been the volunteer or leader, the one in charge or the planner, the get-it-done gal. I was the one who put together Pinterest-perfect parties, filled in last minute as a teacher or speaker, planned large-scale church or professional events, (I’ll stop with the resume) all while being a stay-at-home-homeschooling wife and mom.
I was so used to figuring it out, making things happen and pulling it off that when there were no more rabbits in my hat…I freaked. This was something that no level of skill, research or hard work could fix.
My body needed rest and healing and unless I STOPPED – including shutting off my brain – that body of mine could not recover.
Self-care. Self-awareness. These are two hip buzzwords of our day. In the world I grew up in, anything with the preface of “self” was considered prideful. We were to sacrificially serve others, in the name of Christ, while dying to oneself daily. Introspection was only allowed when we were searching our souls and minds for sin.
Within myself I battled, “Is there something I need to accept or something I need to surrender?” Or maybe this wasn’t really a good versus bad, sin versus holy issue.
Bottom line…I had to give up something.
In the era of “Me Too” and female empowerment (which has had it’s much needed place and time in the world/church, but that’s another post for another day) we forget that while females are strong as heck and brilliant world changers…we also get tired of being Atlas. Perhaps one strength we need to learn to embrace is that of knowing when it’s time to STOP and let that world spin on it’s own axis for a while.
We often see resting as doing nothing. It’s lazy, it’s ignoring responsibility. But I challenge you to thinking differently than traditional societal definitions. Rest can be a noun and it can also be a verb…an action word! Knowing when to rest is evidence of healthy self-awareness. Choosing to rest is a sign of strength.
“…to cease from action or motion: refrain from labor or exertion: to be free from anxiety or disturbance: to sit or lie fixed or supported: to remain for action or accomplishment...”
When done intentionally, stopping to rest can be the most actively purposeful item on your to-do list! Resting isn’t a guilty-pleasure. Resting is a necessary tool to raise not only your productivity but also stabilize your overall health.
So the next time you start to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or, like me, have over one hundred boxes to check off your ever-growing To-Do List, remember to schedule in some active resting. You just might hear the Holy Spirit whispering, reconnect with a friend or family member or just appreciate the beauty of a beach full of sand dunes and seashells.
As a side note:
Fellow moms, let me encourage you…those awesome “have it all together” people you are so jealous of, they do have a breaking point. They’re merely trekking along through life, just like you.
