What a Child Protective Policy is Not
When I asked if they had a Child Protective Policy, the answer was no. They relied on the good character and common sense of homeschool parents. I pressed further and offered to help create one, and they let me join a group of moms to get something started. At the time, I didn’t realize what a red flag this was—that after twenty years, a school serving children had never prioritized their safety.
Dear Survivors: Harm is Harm
Harm comes in many forms, but its impact is always real. As an abuse and trauma survivor turned advocate, I've witnessed the spectrum of harm that can occur within religious spaces. This spectrum includes spiritual, physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse. While the type, severity, frequency, or intensity of harm may vary, one fact remains constant: harm is harm.
Raising Teens After Purity Culture: 8 Tips for Parents
If you spent your teen years steeped in purity culture, and now find yourself parenting a teenager while charting a different course, you're not alone. The fear, uncertainty, and those moments when you feel completely frozen – they're all normal reactions. I've heard from so many parents just like you, grappling with these exact challenges. In fact, as a coach, it's one of the most frequent concerns I hear.
Distilling Therapy: 7 Questions My Therapist Missed (Part 2)
Thanks for ready Part 1 of, “Distilling Therapy: 7 Questions My Therapist Missed.” (However, if you did not read Part 1, you might want to do that now.)
Please join me in diving deeper into questions that can help revolutionize healing for those recovering from religious trauma, high-demand groups or authoritarian structures.
Distilling Therapy: 7 Questions My Therapist Missed (Part 1)
Finding a trauma professional isn't as easy as it seems. (Although in recent years, it's getting easier!) Here are a few of my own experiences and lessons learned - from a survivor perspective, not a professional one.
The Slippery Slope(s)
When I first began questioning the version of faith I had been taught, I was paralyzed by the fear of the infamous "slippery slope" I'd heard about countless times. In my religious community, anything that deviated from our collective beliefs was labeled as dangerous, sinful, or bad.
The Red Virgin: A tale of control and freedom.
After a two-day road trip and then installing a kitchen backsplash with my family, this 40-something gal’s neck decided it needed a break. So, I found myself laid in up bed resting properly and flat on my back. I began scouring all the usual streaming platforms and landed on Amazon’s, “The Red Virgin.” It was a movie about the very real Hildegart Rodriquez Carballeira a young prodigy academic from Spain who lived nearly a century ago.
I Was a Door-to-Door Gospel Salesman
When I was about twenty, a friend dubbed me "Baptist Girl." This nickname wasn't just about the church I attended; it encapsulated my entire lifestyle.
I was the epitome of a "good Christian girl," meticulously following every rule and expectation. I looked the part, spoke the language, and walked the walk with unwavering dedication.
Cherry Flavored Messy Middle: Tootsie Roll Pops and Sunday School
Recently, someone gave my husband a bag of Tootsie Roll Pops. I ate one today and suddenly, I was back in Sunday School.
Funny how our minds and nervous systems work. I don't remember why Tootsie Roll Pops and Sunday School are connected, but my body does.
With one taste of that candy and my memory escorted me back to Mrs. Harris* and her less than 5-foot-tall frame, legs swinging as she sat atop some large piece of furniture in the classroom. She died when I was about 10 and it's the first time I remember feeling grief.
Unmasking the Hidden Connections: Religious Trauma, Narcicissim and Christian Nationalism
Religious Trauma is a psychological term used to describe the result of a variety of negative experiences related to religion. It can encompass a range of experiences from spiritual abuse, physical or emotional trauma caused by religious practices or beliefs, or even simply the feeling of betrayal when a person’s religious community or leaders fail to live up to the high standards and holy lifestyle proported to be exlemplified and taught by those in leadership. Coerced conversions, unquestioning submission to authority, trauma-based theologies and hidden abuse also contribute to creating religious trauma.
One of the key issues related to religious trauma is the role that narcissism can play in the religious community.
Love, Care Bears and My Religious Trauma
Care Bears are part of my Religious Trauma story, so when I found this mug at an estate sale with and the quote, “Love is great for growing things,” it all made healing sense I should get it.
Inside fundamentalist and control based religious environments, love is often mocked. “Those people just believe that LOVE fixes everything...that’s not true...you need Jesus combined with Holy living, to call out sin and to live by these specific Biblical principles…”
Shame in the Church
One would assume that the church would be a place of acceptance and love, grace and belonging, but instead, many enmeshed within a church culture find it a place, which feeds intense shame. Why is this?
When Love Becomes a Weapon: The Hidden Hurt in Christian Homes
Hey there, friend. Can we talk about something that's been weighing on my heart lately? It's about how love sometimes gets twisted in Christian homes, turning into a tool for control instead of the beautiful, unconditional thing it's meant to be.
You know that feeling when you're a kid, and your mom promises you can go to your best friend's house on Saturday? You're so excited, counting down the days. But then Saturday morning rolls around, and you forget to clean your room on Friday. Suddenly, that play date you've been looking forward to all week? It's gone. Poof. Just like that. "If you can't be responsible at home," they said, "you don't get to go out and have fun."