What is Trauma Dumping?
/Trauma dumping is a term used to describe the unconscious act of people who have been through a traumatic event or experience sharing their trauma with others without considering the emotional wellbeing of the other person or receiving their consent. It is a form of emotional dumping in which a person unconsciously unloads their emotions, pain, and suffering onto others without regard for their feelings. This can happen anytime and anywhere – at work, in a social or personal setting, at church, and even online.
Oversharing can be a symptom of trauma. I can’t tell you how many times have I found myself saying to a stranger, “Yeah, I grew up in a religious cult, so sometimes I don’t get social cues.” In an attempt to ease my own awkwardness about a situation, that sort of statement potentially makes things even more awkward.
Victims of trauma are often so weighed down by their painful experiences that they feel the need to share their stories with others. They may do this as a way of seeking validation for their feelings or seeking comfort and understanding from others. However, while it is important to share stories of trauma, it is essential to do so in a way that is healthy for all involved.
Trauma dumping can have negative effects on everyone involved in the conversation. Those who receive the emotional dump may experience secondary trauma or suffer from emotional exhaustion. People who trauma dump may feel better initially when they offload their emotions on others, but this can lead to a cycle of re-traumatization, making it harder to let go of their painful experiences and work through them in a healthy way.
It is important to be mindful of the individuals we talk to about our traumatic experiences. We need to consider the other person’s emotional state before we share our own, and understand that not everyone is equipped to handle hearing about our trauma. Trauma-informed care is one way to ensure people who have experienced trauma are given the support they need.
Trauma dumping can be avoided by practicing empathy and understanding the impact of sharing our traumatic experiences. The checkout lady at Target does not need to know I’m a cult kid suffering from religious trauma and that’s why I didn’t get her joke, right? Telling our stories can be a mutually beneficial tool that brings healing, but it’s often difficult to learn the appopriate situations to employ that means of connecting.
A few years ago, my family clicked with a new family who had begun to attend our church. My daughter and I were invited to come swimming with the mom and her kids one afternoon. Sitting around the pool, we casually chatted while the children played. Before I knew what was happening, my new mom-friend was telling me about her hurtful church experiences and the pain she had experienced. Apologizing for her sudden vulnerable moment, my friend was embarassed when she realized she’d just dumped on me. My reaction was something like, “Well, you told your story to the right person. Thank you for trusting me with that. Here’s part of my story and why you are safe telling me yours.” Because we had met in a church setting, I must admit it was a “rip the band-aid off” kind of conversation that left us both feeling more free and able to be ourselves.
We should all strive to create safe spaces where we can hear and support each other without judgment or causing harm. By doing this, we can help end the cycle of trauma and begin the journey to healing.
If you believe you have experienced trauma, please, seek help from a professional. You are not alone and there is hope.
