Distilling Therapy: 7 Questions My Therapist Missed (Part 1)
/Finding a trauma professional isn't as easy as it seems. (Although in recent years, it's getting easier!) Here are a few of my own experiences and lessons learned - from a survivor perspective, not a professional one.
Early on, I had a therapist who I liked on a mentally stimulating level but did not understand my cult, trauma/abuse, and religious background. I saw a therapist who was truly clueless about how trauma impacted life and marriage and was only focused on current behavior modification. Another therapist triggered my nervous system so deeply in three sessions that I thought I was going to lose my mind completely while they also fan-girled over who I was because they had heard of my work. And finally, I connected with a therapist who had received training in the current trauma recovery modalities and yet, we never got into the deepest parts of my story.
My therapy journey is not unlike others and it's one reason people give up. Today, you can connect with a therapist via Zoom, text, an app, in person or through social media accounts and books. Trauma wasn't so widely understood a dozen years ago when my therapy journey started…nor were all these resources!
As my own walk through therapy has evolved and I've stood beside others as they experience seasons of attending therapy sessions, I've learned a few things:
Therapists, counselors and coaches are just people. People make mistakes, get it wrong, change their mind and try new things. However, there is a code of ethics and definite boundaries that every professional must adhere to.
Commonly, people in helping occupations have a trauma story themselves that led them into their chosen career and often aids in understanding the people they support.
Just how every person you meet doesn't become your BFF, not every therapist will be a good fit for you and your history. If you don't feel comfortable with a professional, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you - it just means they're not the best match.
There are many professional differences, modalities and methods. As you learn more and try different methods of treatment and therapies, it can become overwhelming to figure out what suits you best. Go easy - be patient. Take breaks and avoid the urge to try all the things. Rest should be your friend.
Therapy can be exhausting…triggering…intense.
Breakthroughs are possible.
When my contemplative mind takes over and I sift through my journey, I realized there were several things that if a therapist had ever asked and climbed into my world a little deeper, it would have benefitted my progress, self-awareness and healing. Here's what asking provocative and targeted questions can do:
You might get the exact answer to the question or discover a space that needs more attention.
The answer may lead to something else but on a deeper level.
The question might annoy the person causing them to think or come to a new level of personal awareness.
So what are these 7 un-asked questions? Click over for Part 2.
This article is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition.
Rebekah is not a licensed therapist or clinician. Any advice or opinions given on this site are strictly her own observation and insights based on personal experiences and study. It should in no way take the place of professional assistance.