Distilling Therapy: 7 Questions My Therapist Missed (Part 2)
/Thanks for ready Part 1 of, “Distilling Therapy: 7 Questions My Therapist Missed.” (However, if you did not read Part 1, you might want to do that now.)
Please join me in diving deeper into questions that can help revolutionize healing for those recovering from religious trauma, high-demand groups or authoritarian structures.
7 Questions My Therapist Missed:
Is there something you've never shared with anyone, not even a therapist, that you know you need to address?
Fear can keep people from getting help. Being afraid your children will be taken from you motivates mothers to keep struggles with depression, ADHD, domestic violence, personal belief/religious changes and more to stay silent.
Embarrassment or a belief that an action (or thought) was sinful can also hinder someone from sharing. Concern about judgment, consequences, or just that they will be seen as broken or weird.
Often therapy has be joked about, put down or even painted as “voodoo” or wrong in strict religious spaces.
Have you ever had thoughts about not wanting to exist, ending your life, or imagined the world without you in it?
Wondering what life would be like without you ever existing doesn't necessarily mean you're suicidal. Wanting the pain to be over doesn't necessarily mean you're suicidal. But, often people are suicidal. Sometimes people just need someone to be a witness to their suffering and genuinely hear them. Sometimes the intrusive thought comes when we need connection, support or rest. And then there are times, we truly do need help and a trusted person to intervene or encourage us to go get meds, see a doctor or love us enough to stop us from hurting ourselves.
Is there an area in your life where you know you need help, but you're afraid of what might happen if you ask for it?
What if you get slapped with a label people use against you? Bi-polar, depression, C-PTSD, anxiety, suicidal, neurodiversity? What if this leads to feeling ashamed, losing my kids, losing my job, being bullied, my partner treating me differently, things getting worse not better?
As a woman and mother, I understand the consequences of revealing your true struggles with a licensed professional. Those fears you’re holding on to - I see you. I have watched the scenarios played out both ways - a woman being empowered and healed and a woman having her life torn apart both because of mental health systems.
The DSM, or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, is full of labels. It's chocked full of disorders and human deficiencies. But many modern mental health practitioners are starting to steer away from the traditional psychology path and instead are embracing a more wholistic approach - seeing the whole person and their whole story, not just a check-box diagnosis followed by medication, treatment facilities or weekly sessions. Understanding how our biology is impacted by trauma, how childhood wounds helped craft who we became and how the instinctive safety mechanisms we've used to protect us in the past can be rewired to better serve us in the present are amazing tools present-day science is building with and dare I say, even beginning to dismantle some of the old ways.
Does this office and our sessions make you feel safe?
Creating a safe environment is crucial for effective therapy, especially for trauma survivors. This question opens up a dialogue about the client's comfort level and can lead to adjustments that enhance the therapeutic experience. A secure therapist, coach or counselor will also understand if you rare not feeling like their approach or personality is a good fit for you and may suggest an alternative.
What is really keeping you in your relationships?
This question can uncover deep-seated beliefs, fears, or patterns that might be hindering personal growth or perpetuating unhealthy dynamics. It's particularly relevant for those coming from backgrounds of religious or cult-like control. It’s possible the individual, you, may not fully understand why they’re staying in a relationship - family, romantic, faith community, work - and learning more about themselves and unhealthy behaviors may help.
What is your biggest fear?
Exploring core fears can be transformative. It often leads to insights about how these fears shape behavior, decisions, and overall life experiences. Many people realize, as they recover from religious fundamentalism or high demand groups that their beliefs and ideologies are rooted in fear.
For many women leaving spiritually abusive communities or homes they might be afraid of:
losing their children
not being qualified to find a good job
their husbands trying destroy their lives
not being able to live on their own
rebuilding a life outside of their known world
God striking them dead for breaking away
damaging or harming their children
their religious community hurting them
spiraling or becoming a person they don’t like
being assaulted by someone “in the world” because they stood up to their authority,
and so much more.
7. What education have you gotten about trauma and mental health?
Not every influencer, book or course holds good, helpful content. If someone's mental health education has solely been from watching TikTok videos, it might be important for them to explore some varied approaches. A well-rounded understanding of trauma and mental health can empower clients to be more active participants in their healing journey and also bring a sense of calm as they understand how their mind and body works.
Finding the right trauma-informed professional is a journey in itself. It requires patience, self-awareness, and sometimes trial and error. Remember, it's okay to advocate for yourself, to ask questions, and to seek a therapist who truly understands your unique background and needs. Your healing journey is personal, and finding the right support is a crucial step towards reclaiming your life and well-being.
This article is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition.
Rebekah is not a licensed therapist or clinician. Any advice or opinions given on this site are strictly her own observation and insights based on personal experiences and study. It should in no way take the place of professional assistance.