August 10, 2024

Love, Care Bears and My Religious Trauma

August 10, 2024/ RD

Care Bears are part of my Religious Trauma story, so when I found this mug at an estate sale with and the quote, “Love is great for growing things,” it all made healing sense I should get it.

Inside fundamentalist and control based religious environments, love is often mocked. “Those people just believe that LOVE fixes everything...that’s not true...you need Jesus combined with Holy living, to call out sin and to live by these specific Biblical principles…”

August 09, 2024

Shame in the Church

August 09, 2024/ RD

One would assume that the church would be a place of acceptance and love, grace and belonging, but instead, many enmeshed within a church culture find it a place, which feeds intense shame. Why is this?

July 19, 2023

Navigating Family Reactions to Your Deconstruction, Faith Transition or Religious Trauma Recovery

July 19, 2023/ RD

In this thought-provoking article, we delve into the challenging terrain of communicating deconstruction, faith transition, and religious trauma with family. This is not meant to be a definitive piece, but rather a discussion of some of the obstacles, difficulties, and considerations you may face.

As we navigate these uncharted paths, we may be seen as daring to challenge conventions (heretic) or defying the status quo (rebellious.) Buckle up as we embark on a journey that demands courage and an unwavering commitment to our own soul, conscience and overall health.

June 02, 2023

Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 3.

June 02, 2023/ RD

Watching Shiny Happy People is observing the first half of my life in what feels like an out of body experience. Internal agony and struggle, mind shifts and identity disruption, loss of people I love, fear and confusion, new experiences and blazing ahead alone, these things have defined my years since becoming aware I had been raised in a cult. It’s what it took for me to leave, learn a new way and forge a life outside the lines of authoritarian control and spiritual abuse.

The Duggar family has long been who I reference when I tell people that I grew up differently from mainstream culture. Dang, even differently from most evangelical culture. “Have you seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? Yes? Well, that’s my background.” It was extreme fundamentalism; we were the radicals.

September 07, 2022

You Don't Have to Embody It All

September 07, 2022/ RD

If this was you, listen to me closely: You do not have to embody every little thing you now believe. That’s overwhelming and may be impractical or “too much” for you today. Our beliefs are not who we are, but they do inform how we behave. You are aware now, but have wounds and traumas which must heal. Each role may not be possible for you to take on now or ever - and that’s ok.

January 27, 2022

Spiritual Abuse And Seven Other Terms Defined

January 27, 2022/ RD

First off, spiritual abuse, religious trauma and other terms found in this article are not a new thing. Abuse within religious organizations, churches and leadership has been around as long as there has been organized religion…or people for that matter.

November 01, 2021

Are You a Recovering Fundamentalist?

November 01, 2021/ RD

Over ten years ago, my husband and I met with a couple for marriage counseling. We were struggling, really struggling. About halfway through our time together, the husband looked me squarely in the eyes and said, “You’re a legalist. Once a legalist, always a legalist.” This offended me greatly as I had been working so hard to overcome my fundamentalist roots and we were here to talk mostly about my own husband’s failings anyway.

July 15, 2021

I Am a Survivor of the Bill Gothard Homeschool Cult

July 15, 2021/ RD

When I was six or seven years old, my family joined Bill Gothard’s program - the Institute in Basic Life Principles. I remember a hotel room and strangers babysitting me when we visited Oklahoma City for my parents to attend a training. I believe part of the reason my parents were attracted to the program was the support and community provided exclusively to homeschoolers.

April 29, 2021

I was a Christian Fundamentalist Mom

April 29, 2021/ RD

When my parenting journey began, I was a Christian fundamentalist parent. I didn’t know any better, it was all I had ever known.

I was young and had waited my whole (brief) life to be a mom. Motherhood had been put on a pedestal and was the highest calling a woman could fulfill. It was what all Godly women do, they are fruitful and multiply being blessed with a quiver full of children who will arise and call them blessed. But becoming a mother is also what toppled me into questioning my faith and the religious formula and methods in which I, myself, had been raised.

With the waves of individuals deconstructing their faith, we tend to focus on the person experiencing the belief deconstruction but forget that behind that person are the parents and systems who raised them.

Here’s a little secret: Parents can deconstruct their beliefs too. I know, because I did.

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