Originally appeared as a Facebook post on June 3, 2023, the day after the release of Shiny Happy People on Amazon Prime.

I wasn’t the only IBLP survivor who had a migraine yesterday. Yes, my migraine is toned way down now, thanks for asking. I took a walk, snagged a couple short cat-naps, did more gentle yoga movements and mental reminders that I am safe now which all seemed to help.

Shiny Happy People is collectively pacing so many of us through our painful childhoods which were riddled with spiritual abuse, physical and psychological abuse and religious trauma. Please, do not allow yourself to be re-traumatized. Turn off the TV, decide you will not finish the series, or wait until you can talk to a therapist. There is great strength in knowing your limitations and choosing to protect your emotional and mental health. It’s not a weakness.

As I prepped for watching Episode 2 last night, I equipped myself with water, pen and paper and even grabbed a Snickers ice cream bar which I started savoring as soon as my husband hit play on the Roku remote. Our fluffy, snuggle pup decided to join us this time, squeezing right between us on the bed. In this 51 minute episode of Shiny Happy People, we begin hearing from others who also grew up in or were part of IBLP.

The filmmakers rightly capitalized on some of the major themes found within IBLP and ATI families – quiver full, authority, corporal punishment, courtship, male headship, sweeping abuse under the rug, etc. But the whole episode I kept thinking, “They’re missing the depth, the nuance. No one has clearly presented the cult tactics. One mention of cult-like and one mention of spiritual abuse. They focused on the glaringly obvious.” But then again, these are themes I know all too well. Perhaps a person hearing things for the first time would be in shock. And there are two episodes left, we shall see.

My husband only made two comments during our evening viewing. It was the disturbing scene of a little boy being offered up to the speaker as a demonstration for spanking. My husband’s comment was, “Everyone laughed!” at the moment the man made the boy come back for more. He was shocked that this grooming, inappropriate touching and behavior was on public display and could be seen as funny to an entire audience.

His second comment was when they discussed women’s attire and how we were supposed to circle on the pictures what was an eye trap. He asked,” Did you do that too?” “Oh yes Babe, several times.” After the episode was over and before we turned in for the night, he expressed that it was important for him to see and hear people saying the exact same things I’ve been saying and processing our entire marriage. The IBLP archive footage combined with personal stories was validating.

As I heard familiar phrases, tones and expressions come from the lips of Bill Gothard, I got this creepy feeling. It was so apparent now, a little shy of 20 years out of IBLP (dang, I’m getting old) that Gothard was a cult leader. How had our parents missed it? How had all the pastors missed it? How had all the world leaders not seen? I mean, I know, I’ve written about it. But at the same time, his terminology such as, “We are handing your sons and daughters the world on a silver platter,” was rife with red flags and flashing caution lights.

I was struck again by the whiteness. White women carrying their “reversal babies” on stage. Audiences in Knoxville filled with white people. Family conferences and children’s events dominated by whiteness. Diversity was limited in IBLP unless you were at one of the international training centers. This didn’t seem to surprise or bother anyone.

Memories surfaced such as the Strongholds diagram shown briefly on screen. I was teaching my first Children’s Institute and had the idea to use masking tape on the floor to create the Stronghold diagram to better illustrate to the kids, in a physical way, what we were teaching. Soon, this technique became popular. It made my barely a teen heart so proud. Funny how emotional memories stick with us even when details of an event elude. Welcome EMDR and ART therapy.

Turning my attention to the fellow survivors who share their stories, while I do not personally know any one person well, I know the courage it takes to speak up publicly. It can extend a hefty toll on family and mental health. You are your own worst critic and honestly, the end product may not exactly be what you’d hoped to communicate. What I’m hearing is the survivors who shared are content, if not happy, with the outcome of the docu-series.

From what I’ve observed, when survivors speak, often you will see them present with:

Anger
Humor
Tears
Apparent Apathy
Shutting Down
Obviously Triggered
Calm Sureness

All of these were present as I watched how each person communicated with the camera, individually telling parts of their story, and drawing conclusions from lived experiences that made up the whole picture. I felt they treated survivors with care except for Jill Duggar…again.

This documentary is also a telling of how the 19 Duggar children were exploited by their parents and television and I sense Jill is not being handled in the same way as the other survivors in the show. “She was asking for it! She knew what she was getting into with her whole life having been lived in front of a camera!” Really though? Isn’t that victim shaming and blaming?

In Episode 2 we see how Jill was essentially used as a scapegoat in an attempt to save the TLC 19 Kids and Counting show, for her parents, after the news broke about her brother Josh’s abusive sexual behavior. The words she and Jessa used during the interview with Megan Kelly about broke my heart – they had been brainwashed, used, and handed the words to say. I saw in that moment so many other girls, including myself, who lived a scripted life designed to keep us ignorant, innocent and protect our authorities and abusers.

Jill deserves better. She deserves to heal in private. She deserves to be treated with dignity when she does share personal, painful things. She is being so brave, she doesn’t want this to happen to anyone else. I get that. But I also find myself wanting to whisk her away to a quiet place to just heal.

During Episode 1, I’d inadvertently kept my hand on my chest and felt my fast-beating heart the whole 45 minutes. But for Episode 2, I was calm. I never did take any notes, and that Snickers ice cream bar didn’t last very long.

My social media is full of opinions about Shiny Happy People. What I see primarily are two takes, the first being, “OMG finally! There’s a show exposing Gothard and fundamentalism. You have to watch. I’m so excited…it was great.” And the second, “I can’t watch this documentary, it hurts too badly. Just seeing all the hype has me triggered.” This is a reminder of how broad healing and recovery can be. If you’re ready to watch, great! If you’re not ready yet, that’s totally fine. And if you never see the documentary, that’s 100% ok too. Healing looks different for everyone. Healing doesn’t have a time schedule. Healing takes intentional work.

Follow what brings you peace. Listen to your body. Go talk to someone – a friend, therapist, online group. Go move – take a walk outside or go to a yoga class, dance to your favorite song, go kayaking or rock climbing – move your body don’t let the triggered trauma stay trapped inside. Go write or speak the words you are feeling.

We were taught to wear that Shiny Happy People smile. You know what I’m talking about, the ministry, obedient or joyful smile (while singing, “The Smile” song too!) even when we didn’t feel like it, even when we were hurting, even when we had been harmed.

Here. I’m giving you permission to turn that smile upside down if that’s how you feel right now. Be real. Be authentic. No more fake. Religious trauma is complex, soul and bone deep, but we can face that trauma together, as a survivor community. You’re not alone.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 2.

Rebekah Drumsta