Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take of Episode 4.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take of Episode 4.

Yesterday I got to spend the afternoon with an old high school friend. It was only supposed to be a quick bite (tacos!) and a coffee but that turned into five hours of talking, catching up, swapping takes on Shiny Happy People and rehashing old memories.

For those of us who have left behind a cult, high demand group or unhealthy system, it’s an unfortunate yet common thing I have noticed that we have few life-long friends or we only reconnect well into adulthood. (Maybe this is just a fundy phenomenon, I’ll have to dive into this thought a bit more.) Without a doubt it’s often that family has even rejected you or you have had to distance yourself due to abuse or lack of respecting boundaries.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 3.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 3.

Watching Shiny Happy People is observing the first half of my life in what feels like an out of body experience. Internal agony and struggle, mind shifts and identity disruption, loss of people I love, fear and confusion, new experiences and blazing ahead alone, these things have defined my years since becoming aware I had been raised in a cult. It’s what it took for me to leave, learn a new way and forge a life outside the lines of authoritarian control and spiritual abuse.

The Duggar family has long been who I reference when I tell people that I grew up differently from mainstream culture. Dang, even differently from most evangelical culture. “Have you seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? Yes? Well, that’s my background.” It was extreme fundamentalism; we were the radicals.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 2.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 2.

I wasn’t the only IBLP survivor who had a migraine yesterday. Yes, my migraine is toned way down now, thanks for asking. I took a walk, snagged a couple short cat-naps, did more gentle yoga movements and mental reminders that I am safe now which all seemed to help.

Shiny Happy People is collectively pacing so many of us through our painful childhoods which were riddled with spiritual abuse, physical and psychological abuse and religious trauma. Please, do not allow yourself to be re-traumatized. Turn off the TV, decide you will not finish the series, or wait until you can talk to a therapist. There is great strength in knowing your limitations and choosing to protect your emotional and mental health. It’s not a weakness.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 1.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 1.

You may be aware that a documentary called Shiny Happy People dropped last night on Amazon Prime which discusses the lives of the Duggar family and the cult organization they are members of, IBLP, which was founded by Bill Gothard.

As a survivor of this cult, I have been mindful to pay attention to my own feelings, emotions and thoughts about this documentary. With this awareness, I made the choice to view the series one episode at a time, to allow myself to process any triggers or negative feelings that should arise.

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You Don't Have to Embody It All

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You Don't Have to Embody It All

If this was you, listen to me closely: You do not have to embody every little thing you now believe. That’s overwhelming and may be impractical or “too much” for you today. Our beliefs are not who we are, but they do inform how we behave. You are aware now, but have wounds and traumas which must heal. Each role may not be possible for you to take on now or ever - and that’s ok.

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Trauma Bonding With the Church

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Trauma Bonding With the Church

Trauma bonding is widely known to happen in controling or toxic relationships such as within an unhealthy parent/child or husband/wife structure. The emotional bond occurs when the victim becomes dependant on the abuser in unbalanced ways. While this type of bond is prevalant in abusive one-on-one relationships, can trauma bonding happen in a person's relationship to their church community as well?

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Spiritual Abuse And Seven Other Terms Defined

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Spiritual Abuse And Seven Other Terms Defined

First off, spiritual abuse, religious trauma and other terms found in this article are not a new thing. Abuse within religious organizations, churches and leadership has been around as long as there has been organized religion…or people for that matter.

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Does "Honor thy Father and thy Mother" Apply to Abuse?

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Does "Honor thy Father and thy Mother" Apply to Abuse?

As a coach who interacts with individuals recovering from strict, fundamentalist Christian or religious backgrounds, this is a concern I often hear. “But what about honoring my parents? Is that still something I owe them after what they did?”

This belief is often based on the Biblical Ten Commandments, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” The story of how these commandments came to be is found in the Old Testament. They were given to Moses and written in stone by the hand of God himself. This same idea is also found in the New Testament in Ephesians 6:1-4.

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Spiritual Identity Disruption

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Spiritual Identity Disruption

Spiritual Identity Disruption is when what you believed or were taught about faith or spirituality collide with an opposing lived experience - which may include abuse, trauma and hypocrisy.

This polarization cannot be reconciled using the existing foundation thus causing a disruption of identity and crisis of belief.

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Netflix's Unorthodox - Thoughts From A Religious Cult Survivor

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Netflix's Unorthodox - Thoughts From A Religious Cult Survivor

During COVID-19 and social distancing I've been trying not to watch too many shows or stay glued to social media and my phone. But - then Netflix released Unorthodox.

I succumbed. I binged. They got me. As a religious cult survivor myself, here are a few of my thoughts after I watched Unorthodox:

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Church Hurts

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Church Hurts

Going to church can hurt.  Like really hurt.  As in it can bring on a panic attack or tears and emotional soul wrenching. 

The weight of years of partial truth on your shoulders pulls down in full force.  There are triggers starting in the parking lot.  Just making it inside the church building takes outrageous courage. You want to believe.  You want to be there.  The foyer starts to spin.  Your heart beats faster and faster.  People around you become a blur.  The feeling to run overwhelms. The music and program format are all too familiar. You remember the past. It feels as though someone is slowly wrapping your body in plastic wrap. Before long, your whole body is tight and you can’t hear anything but the pounding inside your head and you finally give in to the desire to escape before your whole being explodes.   

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