Originally appeared as a Facebook post on June 2, 2023, the release day of Shiny Happy People on Amazon Prime.

You may be aware that a documentary called Shiny Happy People dropped last night on Amazon Prime which discusses the lives of the Duggar family and the cult organization they are members of, IBLP, which was founded by Bill Gothard.

As a survivor of this cult, I have been mindful to pay attention to my own feelings, emotions and thoughts about this documentary. With this awareness, I made the choice to view the series one episode at a time, to allow myself to process any triggers or negative feelings that should arise.

Last night, my husband and I watched Episode 1 together. When I asked him if he’d watch the docu-series with me his response had been, “I’d like nothing better.” He held my hand as we sat in bed for the duration of the 45 minute episode. I found myself talking out loud a lot – remembering, filling in the blanks and finishing people’s sentences. Several times I felt like a kid again.

But, I woke up today with a migraine. Through therapy, I’d learned that when my body is triggered, often my only response is a migraine. Had watching this show been a good idea after all? The body truly does remember. I did some yoga stretches, took a hot shower and then slowly sipped my morning coffee.

As anticipated, both IBLP and the Duggar family made similar statements today saying this “documentary” was sensationalized, trying to harm, anti-Gospel and a reflection of our world today. As someone who grew up in the IBLP world and believed and practiced, embodied and yes, even taught, the principles and ideologies I can say with surety – I agree, this documentary is a reflection of our world today. It’s a world that refuses to allow abuse to continue, a world where victims are heard and accountability is demanded. If speaking the truth, what actually happened to us brings harm to those people or organizations we mention then perhaps instead of pointing the finger at the truth teller, those folks should have behaved better in the first place.

As far as being sensationalized, I was told I was part of the Joshua Generation that would take over the world for Jesus, Kristin Kobes DuMez and other’s aren’t stretching it.

And anti-Gospel? The Gospel is peace. And peace is not something I’d say filled my childhood or the last almost 15 years of recovery. It is also not characteristic of fundamentalist who love stirring the pot through apologetics, politics and heated sermons. So no, this documentary isn’t anti-Gospel, or anti-Jesus, it’s showing how religion can harm instead of help when twisted and manipulated to advance one man and extremist philosophy.

So far what I’ve seen in Episode 1 wasn’t earth shattering. (Heck, those of us who grew up IBLP already knew that stuff.) But it’s setting the stage for what comes next it appears.

I must say, that towards the end of the episode there’s a scene where Jill Duggar says, “No one was supposed to find out.” She is referring to what happened with her brother Josh who had sexually abused several girls starting when he was a young teen. This was the part of the first episode that made me uncomfortable and angry. The filmmaker shows her saying this phrase a couple of times and lingers. At first you might think that she was upset the secret about her brother came out, but if you have worked with survivors and when you are one yourself, you can see it’s much different and more complex than that.

What I saw was a triggered Jill who fell back into her inner child. That child was saying, “No one was supposed to find out.” It was her trauma, her hurt, her shame speaking. She was a victim. No one protected her. No one defended her.

How the filmmakers handled this moment in Episode 1 clued me in to the fact that they were not trauma-informed. The camera should have gone off, giving her time to rest and collect herself. My hope is that Jill was allowed to give permission for this scene to stay so that it was her choice and not a moment the filmmaker just capitalized on for “good tv.” It was a quick, yet very deep moment that to me, revealed a wounded child that still needs time to heal.

As for me, the rest of today I will care for myself using the skills I have gained through years of experience and therapy to listen to my body, connect with people who make me feel loved and safe and not just push through complicated feelings.

Tonight, we will dive into Episode 2, which I've heard is more emotional for us Gothard kids.

If you are a survivor of the Bill Gothard homeschool cult too, and have chosen to pace yourself through Shiny Happy People, remember:

You are safe now.
This happened to you in the past, it is not actively taking place.
You have the power to turn off the TV.
These people cannot hurt you anymore.
You are in control of you today.
You are not alone.

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