Originally appeared as a Facebook post on June 5, 2023, three days after the release of Shiny Happy People on Amazon Prime.

Yesterday I got to spend the afternoon with an old high school friend. It was only supposed to be a quick bite (tacos!) and a coffee but that turned into five hours of talking, catching up, swapping takes on Shiny Happy People and rehashing old memories.

For those of us who have left behind a cult, high demand group or unhealthy system, it’s an unfortunate yet common thing I have noticed that we have few life-long friends or we only reconnect well into adulthood. (Maybe this is just a fundy phenomenon, I’ll have to dive into this thought a bit more.) Without a doubt it’s often that family has even rejected you or you have had to distance yourself due to abuse or lack of respecting boundaries.

So, for me to spend time with a friend who has never left my life – popped in and out, sure – but has been there for me through the darkest times. That was huge yesterday, considering the rawness watching our lives played out in Shiny Happy People had surfaced.

Social media is turning up a lot of controversy and difference of opinion about homeschooling, Christianity and experiences with IBLP. Honestly, having diversity of thought is vital to a balanced perspective, I’m listening. And I do hear you when you say your experience with Gothard, IBLP and ATI was different then what was portrayed in Shiny Happy People and I totally get that your parents had you be selective and rejected certain teachings or ways. For this, I am glad for your sake. However, your parents chose to stay. They chose to stay while abusive, manipulative, coercive teachings were being spread, while people were believing and practicing the things they felt were somehow “off.” They didn’t speak up, they didn’t leave. You were in danger. Young people were being harmed. It wasn’t different, or interpretive, it was toxic and abusive.

And while I am listening to varied lived experiences and ideas about the themes and people in Shiny Happy People, I will not stand for those who are silencing the wounded. When a car accident happens, all level of injuries can occur – bumps and bruises, broken bones, concussions, internal injuries all the way to death on impact. But the fact remains – there WAS a car accident. A trauma took place and just because your injury was less does not mean “nothing really happened, it wasn’t that big a deal, don’t’ overreact or sensationalize.” Please become educated about trauma if this is your reaction to the revelations in Shiny Happy People.

An often-overlooked group that we need to give a shout-out and THANK YOU to is all the support people who have held us as we cried and screamed, squeezed our hands and offered hugs, listened to the hours of memories and stories we needed to tell, been there through the dark moments and loved us through the questions and seemingly never ending road of recovery. I’m not just talking about those who watched Shiny Happy People with us. I’m talking about the partner, friend or family, coach or therapist who walked the days, months or years as this journey out of cult life has progressed. Thank you for being there! Thank you for being present even when you didn’t know what to do.

Sometimes we must walk the recovery path alone. I did for so many years, no one understood, and no one could seem to help. This is one of the reasons I chose to step into advocacy and coaching work – I couldn’t stand to see another woman suffer, struggle and barely make it thinking they were crazy and all alone, like I did. It seems that from some of the statements Jill Duggar has made throughout the docu-series, she feels the same way.

But I wasn’t truly alone. I had a husband who was just as bewildered as me. When my deconstruction and coming out of cult mentality began almost 15 years ago, the support available now did not exist. In fact, every counselor I saw, every term I Googled never helped. Spiritual abuse and religious trauma, they weren’t understood or part of therapy vocabulary yet. This lived trauma and abuse harmed my husband too – and no, he wasn’t a Gothard guy, he wasn’t raised in fundamentalism – but he stood by as his wife fell apart, begged for help, lost who she was and then piece by piece put herself back together. My husband didn’t grow up like me, yet my world traumatized him. My pain became his pain, my trauma his trauma.

As Shiny Happy People ended in Episode 4 after 36 minutes of play time, I found myself watching it alone. Other responsibilities kept my husband from finishing out the series with me, which was ok. I was ok. A couple interruptions happened which didn’t bother me too much as it felt the episode was tying up lose ends and connecting a few scattered pieces.

The largest part discussed in Episode 4 the general public will not know about is the Joshua Generation. I was part of that movement, all us IBLP kids kinda were. The episode does not exaggerate when they explain that we were to take over the world for Jesus through big families, politics and holy living.

I was also reminded again that thousands of children have and are growing up in fundamentalist Christian homes. It’s all been kept a secret, looking so polished and perfect on the outside. What about the kids still on the inside?

Over the last couple of days, I’ve received texts and messages from friends asking me things like, “Who is to blame – Gothard or the parents? Who should be held accountable? How do we collectively heal? Are there enough counselors trained in religious trauma to help the wave that’s coming? What do we do next, how are we gonna help?” Friends have also been telling me repressed memories are surfacing, triggers they thought were gone have come back, stuff they didn’t realize was connected about their childhoods is making sense and they are cautious about what the ramifications will be of Shiny Happy People in their extended families.

A bit of anger surfaced in me yesterday and today. For trauma survivors, especially religious trauma survivors, anger has been repressed. Anger was a sin after all so starting a tiny babes we were taught to shove it down and take those thoughts captive.

As I felt anger bubbling up inside, instead of pushing it away, I decided to get curious as to what was causing this emotion. I felt angry that the last 15 years of my life have been spent in recovery. I was angry for the moments I’ve lost, people I’ve lost, experiences I never had. I have raised a child while having to grow up myself and wade through a mire of abuses, traumas, wounds and an identity disruption all because of fundamentalist belief. I was angry because no one gave me the tools I needed to succeed at life. I was angry because God had been tarnished, twisted and turned into such a horrible being who hated and made unattainable demands. I was angry because so many people I know or am connected to have suffered horrific abuse. I was angry at Bill Gothard for being the founder and cult leader. I was angry at my parents for not seeing their way out and for applying all the teachings and beliefs in our home. I was angry at all the other parents who harmed and kept their kids in IBLP. And finally, I was angry at myself for not knowing what to do 15 years ago when my world started to crumble. My anger subsided with a massive sigh. Allowing myself to flow through the feelings on anger in a controlled, yet open way had been the right thing to do.

There is so much life out there waiting to be loved.

Being a survivor does not have to be your identity. It’s a word that describes something that happened to me sure, but it’s not me. I am Rebekah. My experiences, pains, sufferings, losses and personal triumphs have made me into the person I am today, but I am not those things. I am Rebekah. I am not a victim. I have survived, yes. But Rebekah will not be limited by the label of survivor.

What our parents feared the most is that we would one day choose something for ourselves that they believed was not holy, Biblical or honoring to God. But their fear ate away at the very soul and spirit of their children attempting to corrode and decay those children’s lives.

I am here to tell you that fear doesn't get to have power over you anymore. Fear may have been the foundation of your life, but it does not have to dominate your future.

Thank you for joining me as I watched all 4 episodes of Shiny Happy People and walked through my thoughts, memories and emotions. Thank you for the kind comments, support and the stories you’ve shared too.

Please reach out if I can support you. Know that I care. You’re not alone.

www.RebekahDrumsta.com

A couple final questions for you:

What are some limiting beliefs you have about yourself or your situation because you have survived an abusive homeschool, fundamentalist or IBLP background?
What are you going to do now to move past that identity and into a life filled with love, curiosity and freedom?

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take of Episode 4.

Rebekah Drumsta