The Red Virgin: A tale of control and freedom.

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The Red Virgin: A tale of control and freedom.

After a two-day road trip and then installing a kitchen backsplash with my family, this 40-something gal’s neck decided it needed a break. So, I found myself laid in up bed resting properly and flat on my back. I began scouring all the usual streaming platforms and landed on Amazon’s, “The Red Virgin.” It was a movie about the very real Hildegart Rodriquez Carballeira a young prodigy academic from Spain who lived nearly a century ago.

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Love, Care Bears and My Religious Trauma

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Love, Care Bears and My Religious Trauma

Care Bears are part of my Religious Trauma story, so when I found this mug at an estate sale with and the quote, “Love is great for growing things,” it all made healing sense I should get it.

Inside fundamentalist and control based religious environments, love is often mocked. “Those people just believe that LOVE fixes everything...that’s not true...you need Jesus combined with Holy living, to call out sin and to live by these specific Biblical principles…”

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Calming Your Nervous System as a Parent: While Processing Childhood Trauma

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Calming Your Nervous System as a Parent: While Processing Childhood Trauma

Parenting is such a wild ride—full of ups, downs, and everything in between. You’ve finally nailed the toddler and elementary years when, wham! You wake up one morning and now have a teenager in your home with those years full of their own challenges, developmental stages and complexities.

When you’re also carrying the weight of your own childhood trauma, parenting can often feel like an even bigger challenge. But here’s the thing: your trauma is not your child’s trauma. In fact, showing our kids how we learn, grow, and tackle tough stuff can be one of the best lessons we can give them.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take of Episode 4.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take of Episode 4.

Yesterday I got to spend the afternoon with an old high school friend. It was only supposed to be a quick bite (tacos!) and a coffee but that turned into five hours of talking, catching up, swapping takes on Shiny Happy People and rehashing old memories.

For those of us who have left behind a cult, high demand group or unhealthy system, it’s an unfortunate yet common thing I have noticed that we have few life-long friends or we only reconnect well into adulthood. (Maybe this is just a fundy phenomenon, I’ll have to dive into this thought a bit more.) Without a doubt it’s often that family has even rejected you or you have had to distance yourself due to abuse or lack of respecting boundaries.

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What’s the Deal with Faith Deconstruction?

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What’s the Deal with Faith Deconstruction?

If you are currently in a church, Christian family or religious community, chances are you’ve heard the word “deconstruction.” The term may have been presented in a negative light to you or perhaps you don’t truly know what it means. Or, if you’ve been on social media in the last few months and follow any prominent Christian leaders, your introduction to the word may have been through a heated video clip and thread. One thing is for certain, the term “deconstruction” and all it entails is a word stirring up much controversy in American religious spaces right now.

Why are people reacting so strongly to this word and the subsequent “deconstruction culture?” It’s complicated. In this post, I will do my best to help you understand why people are reactive to deconstruction, what deconstruction really is and how you can help. Are you ready for lots of information?

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10 Tips to Surviving the Holidays With Religious Trauma

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10 Tips to Surviving the Holidays With Religious Trauma

Let’s be honest, the Holidays can be rough. There are so many expectations - dinners to make, parties to attend, attire to select, gifts to buy, family to see, pictures to take, lawns to decorate and trees or tables to adorn. Add in the journey of faith deconstruction or religious trauma recovery and that “ho-ho-ho” might feel more like “woe-woe-woe.”

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Spiritual Identity Disruption

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Spiritual Identity Disruption

Spiritual Identity Disruption is when what you believed or were taught about faith or spirituality collide with an opposing lived experience - which may include abuse, trauma and hypocrisy.

This polarization cannot be reconciled using the existing foundation thus causing a disruption of identity and crisis of belief.

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Moving Beyond Grace

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Moving Beyond Grace

Faith has often been described as a journey. And what I’ve noticed is that Grace is the depot where lots of people hop off the train and then choose to stay there. But I would like to present to you an alternative trip route.

As I write, I am remembering one of those amazing old train stations I’ve visited in Europe - Paris or London maybe. Beautiful antique tiles line the walls. Movie and show posters are scattered everywhere. People scurry like ants up and down stairs, crossing over to change train lines or stopping briefly in the shop for a coffee. Each person has an exact route they must follow to arrive at their chosen destination.

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Purity Culture, Sex and Bridgerton

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Purity Culture, Sex and Bridgerton

People have been buzzing about the new Netflix show called Bridgerton. This show took me off guard. I was not expecting to discover the theme of Purity Culture and sex woven into an Austen-esk plot. And yet, there it was, naked and staring unabashedly at me.

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Rethink Obedience: Breaking the first time obedience and happy heart rules.

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Rethink Obedience: Breaking the first time obedience and happy heart rules.

Growing up as fundamental Christian kid, obedience was probably the most taught lesson - the key to making it into adulthood, honoring God and a food-proof way to never mess up.

Just obey your parents…all of the Bible…God…all authorities including your Sunday School teachers and pastors…your husband (but only after the authority has transferred from your father on your wedding day)…your grandparents (unless their rules aren’t like home)…your school or class teachers (unless they are teaching you evolution or playing rock music or showing you a movie you can’t watch at home, then, you can up for your faith by “standing alone”)…your babysitter (unless she lets you do something you’re not supposed to do)…and…yup, if you’re confused, try being an evangelical, fundamentalist little girl.

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Growing Up Fundy: An analysis of being raised in Christian fundamentalism.

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Growing Up Fundy: An analysis of being raised in Christian fundamentalism.

Evangelical fundamentalism was founded to counter-act the women’s rights movements, especially women working outside the home, and modern theory in a post-World War I world. The movement was at it’s peak during the 1950-1980’s. Sub-denominations were even formed during this time, claiming further truth and belief in Biblical fundamentals – such as the denomination of my childhood, Independent Fundamental Baptist.

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Parenting: It can be different. You know better.

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Parenting: It can be different. You know better.

As someone who is living a life differently than how they were raised, someone who has fought hard to find truth and battled through the agony of deconstruction – little things can become big things when you least expect it.

As you may know, I am a homeschool mom. This often feels like a love/hate situation because you see, I was homeschooled. Triggers, known pitfalls, lack of actual schooling, strained family relationships – I want to avoid those things. I have seen far too much of that

There, however, is much good that comes from home educating your children too – unlimited family adventures, an individualized education, learning new things together, freedom to explore personal learning styles and interests, studying about then traveling the world - I am embracing those amazing things.

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