The Personal Impact of Pastor-Abuse Stories
/Originally posted on Facebook:
Another news story about a pastor, abuse and and misconduct broke just a few days ago.
And here’s what I need you to know:
When stories like this hit the media, it’s personal. It’s not just some random pastor, at some random church, in some random town. It’s people I know, or my friend know. It’s churches I’ve been to, or know people who attended that church. It’s towns I’ve lived in, or people I know live in.
Stories of pastors abusing people, power, position and resources aren’t just stories that are flying in the great abyss of the media universe. The lives impacted are real, personal and crossover with lots of us.
I am so proud of my people. We are hearing more about pastors and churches being held accountable because we said, “The buck stops with me. Not on my watch.”
But the hurt, the harm it’s very, very real. And it’s personal.
Some days I’m conflicted because while it’s vital to hold spiritual leaders accountable, the sucker punch to my gut every time I open social media or watch the news is often too painful. Someone else I knew did something wrong or was hurt by someone else doing something wrong to them. For those of us inside the world of deconstruction, post evangelical, transitioning faith or religious trauma spaces the abuse and trauma stories are a deluge leaving us gasping for air.
The entire faith community we all knew - the whole picture that included books and their authors, songs and their writers, preachers and their congregations, ministries and their leaders, theologies and their teachers, beliefs and their continuers - this entire evangelical Christian world is crumbling one brick at a time. And the carnage is unprecedented.
No, there’s not more abuse or trauma in religious spaces than ever before. It’s always existed. People in our day merely are speaking up, calling it out and refusing to allow power or position to excuse wrong doing. What is happening now is we have social media and multiple modes of communication, access to information, better mental health education and improved societal equality. These are some of the reasons we are hearing more about clergy and religious based abuse or misconduct.
You will not be physically burned at the stake as a witch and heretic because you, as a female, said your priest assaulted you. (Note: I said physically killed. Emotional and psychological torment will still be inflicted.) Today there is cyber bullying and cancelling, but fear for my actual life, as a woman who is challenging faith normative, has been somewhat dispelled thanks to advances in society.
If you take away anything from this post, just remember this, the heartbreaking stories about abuse, misconduct or inappropriate behavior perpetrated by spiritual leaders or religious organizations, the people they hurt and the ripple effect of their actions, those are real people, with real souls, with real bodies more closely connected to us all then you realize.
It’s not an ambiguous pastor in a fairy tale kingdom, it is happening to the people we love by the people we love. It’s personal. It’s complicated. It’s real. It has to stop.
This system that creates unhealthy, abusive or power hungry leaders must listen to the cries for help, agonizing screams and writhing of the souls it has harmed. This isn’t about right theology. If it was, there wouldn’t be a new person, a new congregation every day (and throughout all of history, for that matter) that was abused or hurt by someone claiming they carry an anointed banner of Christ. If right theology or correct belief was the solution, we’d have achieved a safer world by now.
This time in our religious history is a collective trauma. We, the children of fundamentalism married to evangelicalism in the United States which intentionally influenced way beyond our borders, we are together experiencing this shift, this uncontrollable tsunami of truth being revealed in the spaces we once called home. We must be present with one another. Grieve together. Bear witness to the evil that has befallen those we love and yes, even to ourselves. We can recognize the harm and purpose move forward but not without healing.
We are experiencing this time together. We are not alone in our journey. Where ever your beliefs have landed now, whether we are in alignment or not, we can all agree that as children growing up in this faith system we experienced and witnessed harm. Now as adults, we want to heal, help others and create safe spaces for our those coming behind us.
The stories are personal. The stories are me. The stories are you.
Be well. Be free.
REBEKAH drumsta
