The Church's Co-opting of Survivor Experience
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“Co-opting is taking vocabulary, experiences and thoughts from a person, culture or community and repurposing or using them for your own, often different, platform or for your own purposes.”
The church is often seen as a sanctuary, a place of healing and support for those who seek spiritual guidance and community. However, a pattern and uncomfortable truth I have observed is that not only has the church become a place where great harm is done or covered up, the church is sometimes guilty of co-opting survivor language and experiences - the very survivors they created or silenced then again use or exploit.
In my Texas community alone, last year a worship leader physically molested, groomed and sent explicit messages to a female child. In another church around the corner it was discovered that multiple males, who had respected positions/standing in the church, were guilty of being members of a sex trafficking ring. These are churches I drive by on a weekly basis. These are the stories I know about.
Statements such as, “If we as the church don’t provide an answer or solution, where will they get the truth or help?” doesn’t really cut it when story after story of church leaders and members being the abuser, manipulator or lawbreaker are ever present in the ten o’clock news and conversation around the dinner table. This statement also appears to seek further control of an individual, the survivor and the community through being the only trusted source for support, providing accurate information and right answers.
The church needs to be careful not to co-opt survivor language and position themselves as having all the solutions. Instead, please actively listen to the stories, hurts, recommendations, and root causes presented by survivors. Survivor voices should be believed, centered in education, and finding a way forward.
This includes survivors of religious trauma, spiritual abuse, domestic violence, religious cults and all other forms of abuse and control.
I can’t tell you how many times I see church and ministry leaders regularly using terms such as:
Deconstruction
Church Hurt
Religious Trauma
Spiritual Abuse
Purity Culture
Authoritarian Control
And while on the surface this appears good, I have a deep concern that this is fact quite worrisome because those leaders often are not truly trauma-informed, are just wanting to be perceived as hip and attune or have found yet another pathway into getting kudos.
If you are using survivor or mental health language as a means to appear more relevant, you’ve noticed people listen and you gain followers, it’s a special topic for a week at your church or a seminar weekend and bam…done, then yeah, you don’t understand mental health, trauma, and you’re just going there for the accolades and the applause for going there.
How often are survivor voices centered when these words are used? How often do church leaders, denominations, systems, and traditions get challenged when those words are used? Parading a survivor on stage, bringing nonprofit Executive Directors on the platform to receive a donation check, hosting a workshop, that’s not being survivor centered, that’s a bandaid to your conscience or because you don’t want to put in the hard work of becoming trauma-informed and sensitive.
I called this a couple years ago. How did I know? Becuase I’m a religious cult survivor. I’ve seen the patterns.
At first, faith leaders pushed back really, really hard against these phrases. We in the deconstruction realm were heretics. Now, when people see it’s not going away, they are appropriating and co-opting the culture and language of survivors. It’s like a DARVO tactic.
But why?
Numbers are dropping. People aren’t coming back to church. They’re losing control of the narrative.
Apologists and church experts are presently writing books, using the language and vocabulary of the wounded, but always with the goal of getting people back inside the church walls and helping you process everything the right way. The goal isn’t healing. The goal isn’t helping you think for yourself as the ultimate freedom. The goal isn’t tending to your soul. The goal isn’t helping you have peace with God about your life, beliefs, and decisions. The goal isn’t helping your mind and body find wholeness.
No, the goal is getting numbers back up in the pews and keeping you inside their theological boundary.
I have seen this done to survivors of:
Sex Trafficking
Domestic Violence
Spiritual Abuse
Childhood Abuse and Trauma
PTSD
A survivor’s story is not there for you to feel good about yourself for helping raise funds or raise awareness. A survivor’s story is not there for you to use, further exploit or control when or where they tell it.
A survivor’s story is there as a beacon of hope for others. A survivor’s story is a warning sign of how humans treat each other and why. A survivor’s story is theirs to tell, theirs to draw conclusions and theirs to use.
What’s a Church To Do?
What are some steps a faith leader or religious group can take to create a safe environment for survivors and the other members of their community?
Be Authentic. Be Transparent. Be Humble.
No one is asking a church leader or faith community to be perfect, but oh how refreshing a community would be if they were transparent about past and present mistakes. A heart for mending souls without the need to control the process, solutions or outcome would help so many find freedom. And a genuine desire to learn and openness to change where necessary when it comes to mental health, toxic theology and how those claiming Christianity treat others would show humbleness.
Confronting Spiritual Abuse and Gatekeeping
“Spiritual abuse is using one’s power or authority to control, guilt, manipulate or coerce another with claims of Biblical or spiritual truth. This includes psychological or emotional manipulation and coercion through the use of spirituality which undermines (or removes) a person’s autonomous spiritual empowerment and focuses on external spiritual performance.”
The church must acknowledge that spiritual abuse can happen within its walls and take steps to prevent and address spiritual abuse. This involves establishing clear guidelines, protocols and policies for ethical behavior and accountability both for spiritual leaders and those inside the faith community.
You are not meant to be the gatekeepers or the fountain of all spiritual wisdom and truth. If you believe only you or your community have the correct thinking, you’ve already missed the mark. People are free to embrace spiritual autonomy - making decisions for themselves about spiritual matters without coercion or manipulation.
Religious Trauma and Healing
Religious trauma is a complex, often unrecognized form of soul suffering. Many individuals who have experienced religious trauma carry the weight of past religious experiences that have harmed their well-being. To create a healthier faith community, it is essential for the church or leaders to recognize religious trauma, encourage qualified counseling or coaching, and support survivors in their healing journey, rather than minimizing their pain or dismissing their concerns.
It is important for all spiritual leaders to understand how trauma informs not only the hearts, minds and bodies of those we serve, but how our own lives have been impacted. A quick article read or listen to a podcast isn’t enough. Communities must become responsive to one another through a culture of care and empathy. This requires education, practice, patience and new patterns. Becoming trauma-informed and trauma-responsive is setting new generational faith patterns.
Having a trauma-informed faith means seeing and tending to the person and their story, their soul, their need without imposing your own thoughts, beliefs and expectations upon them.
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is an issue that affects individuals across all walks of life, including those within religious communities. It's a painful truth that the church, people of faith and Christians have sometimes failed to protect and support survivors of domestic violence.
Instead of insisting on forgiveness and reconciliation with an abuser, faith spaces must first give heed to the needs and best interest of the survivors, those to whom the harm has been perpetuated. Listen to what they are saying. It is time for those in faith spaces to actively address domestic violence, create a safe space for survivors, and support them in seeking help and healing, rather than perpetuating harmful control dynamics.
Seek our survivor led and centered organizations for consulting and partnerships.
Challenging Control Dynamics
Control dynamics can manifest in various ways, from authoritarian leadership to the suppression of critical thinking. Faith communities must embrace a more open and collaborative approach. It should be a place where individuals feel free to express their thoughts, question beliefs, and grow spiritually without fear of being controlled or manipulated.
Opening your hand and welcoming each person to make autonomous spiritual decisions feels scary, but releasing that grip, that tight fist and dogma, this is true faith.
Listening to Survivor Voices
The voices of survivors are invaluable. They hold the key to understanding the depth of the issues mentioned above. By actively listening to survivors and providing them with a platform to share their stories and experiences, the church, faith communities and religious leaders can gain crucial insights into these problems and learn how to address them more effectively and with pureness of intention.
How many survivor’s stories have you heard or read? Do you see survivors as “those people” or as “one of us?” Have you discovered the survivors who have healed and taken the time to understand the process and hard work it takes to recover?
It’s time.
The church must cease co-opting survivor language for its own benefit. And I might add, Christian influencers, authors, speakers, and teachers need to stop co-opting survivor language for their own benefit too.
This is a Western, evangelical culture problem which makes it systemic. But generational patterns can be altered. Creating communities of care, empathy and safety should be the goal. It’s not about differences in theology or faith traditions, this is about tending to wounded souls first, just like the Good Samaritan did, without asking anything in return, with no expectations.
It’s time. Stop, sit and listen.
This article is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition.
Rebekah is not a licensed therapist or clinician. Any advice or opinions given on this site are strictly her own observation and insights based on personal experiences and study. It should in no way take the place of professional assistance.