Purity Culture, Sex and Bridgerton

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People have been buzzing about the new Netflix show called Bridgerton. This show took me off guard. I was not expecting to discover the theme of Purity Culture and sex woven into an Austen-esk plot. And yet, there it was, naked and staring unabashedly at me.

While Bridgerton is much like any other romantic flick you've seen (my personal favorite still being Wives and Daughters) it is unlike any period drama you’ve ever seen because of the openness about sex. There are other elements too such as female empowerment and interracial marriage. But for the purpose of this piece, I want to focus on Purity Culture and sex.

In many ways this show felt like stepping back into my own life which produced a huge revelation:

I was raised in the 1800’s.

Ok, you got me, I’m not two hundred years old BUT, the ideologies and beliefs which were part of my formative years were well over two hundred years old. As I binged the show, I was struck with yet another realization, “We haven’t come very far. I know Christians who continue to raise their children like this. Actually, it’s still pretty mainstream Christian.”

Puritanical Purity (Like the pilgrims kind of Puritan.)

Purity culture is nothing new, we just have a name for it now and understand some of the ramifications of being raised in such a lifestyle. People often forget that the purity movement was not actually started by the Southern Baptists back in the 1990’s. Purity culture was around in the early 1800’s, the era when Bridgerton was based, but for them, it was just part of their culture…secular culture. It was carried over from other cultures, including the Puritans.

While Bridgerton pushes boundaries as far as the intimacy seen on screen, topics discussed and even a scene depicting rape, thus requiring a word of caution for some of my readers, they do not shy away from reality. I appreciated the true-to-life approach.

Inside fundamentalism, as much is caught as is taught. The unspoken and assumed speaks even louder than the bombastic preacher in the pulpit. Those raised deep within what we know as the Christian Purity Culture of the last thirty years or so received little to no sexual education. Abstinence was heavily pushed, but that’s as far as sex-ed went whether at home, Christian schools or at church.

Girls were left to be raped or traumatized on their wedding night, many of the boys also having no clue of the workings of their own urges or appendages. We had been lead to believe that being turned on (those words were never used - ‘being aroused’ or ‘physical feelings’ might have been but without explanation) or attracted physically to someone was a sin. But magically, what happened between married people was honored before God. Being aroused by your fiance is a sin but twelve hours later when you’re married it is Holy. How the girls in the show viewed sex, reproduction and menstrual cycles was no different then most of the girls I knew, including myself.

Below, I make some comparisons between Purity Culture and Bridgerton:

Purity Culture: Same as Bridgerton

  • Your husband will teach you all you need to know about sex.

  • We don’t talk about sex, ever.

  • Dancing is sexual.

  • You get married without having a clue what sex is.

  • Even after you’re married there are still birds and the bees basics you do not know.

  • Mothers allow the culture to keep going, not intervening on the daughter’s behalf, even on the day of their wedding.

  • Men can have indiscretions, woman could not - they must remain pure, unspotted and undefiled.

  • Some girls are meek, yet privately curious. Others more brazen and figure things out.

  • You can’t have a baby unless you’re married.

  • A girl’s ‘indiscretions’ bring much shame on the family, only she would be to blame.

  • Hide or cover-up mistakes.

  • Daughters are paraded, sons are praised.

  • Girls who did understand sex (because of assault, a love affair or education) wouldn’t dare tell the other girls.

  • Sex or assault before marriage meant you were damaged goods, lucky to find anyone decent to marry.

  • Wanting and having a family is expected.

Purity Culture: Different from Bridgerton

  • Wedding night was not enjoyable or anticipated.

  • Women were not empowered.

  • A basic science of life inside the womb is taught - but how that baby got there or how it comes out - not so much.

  • Sexual misconduct is often shamed by requiring public confessions.

  • Interracial marriage is rare.

  • A wife cannot challenge or question her husband.

  • ‘Spilling your seed’ is a sin.

  • Fathers (parents) demanding perfection is a norm.

  • Loving sex and becoming really good at it on your honeymoon didn’t generally happen.

  • Boys might also be kept innocent of sexual education of any form.

  • Repressed sexuality is a factor in rampant sexual abuse within fundamentalist circles.

  • Women feel shame because of their feminine bodies and live in constant fear of sending the wrong messages or being harmed by men.

  • Men are slaves to their lust.

Keepers at Home

Another movement with close ties to my upbringing is Keepers at Home. Young women and men interacted, much like in Bridgerton, with the same dance around the topic of marriage, scoping out who might be a good match for marriage based on homemaker skills, purity of the female, the guy having an income, good family reputations, the first move made by the male and parental/family involvement, only this was done at church, group gatherings, homeschool events and allowed trainings away from home.

Often matches were made by the fathers and not because of love by the couple. Courtship was the most widely accepted form of “getting to know someone before marriage” but betrothal was a close second.

As I watched Bridgerton it was a weighty reality that hit me, “I was raised almost exactly like that, just more modern. With lots of Bible thrown in.”

Sexual Healing Through Television

During a session many years ago, I expressed to my therapist that I was finding help on my cult recovery journey through watching movies and TV shows. It was a way for me to play cultural-catch-up and finally understand the jokes and one-liners everyone else seemingly just understood. He felt this was healthy for me to continue and we had a great discussion about what I was learning and observing.

Bridgerton is now another on my list of “shows that helped me.” Understanding the whys, seeing bits and pieces of my own life acted on screen and knowing that I am not alone - countless women throughout the centuries have fallen prey to the grip of purity culture - is a step towards sexual healing.

The vehicle to healing may change on your journey and it may include:

  • Counseling

  • Books

  • Blogs

  • Movies or Shows

  • Conversations

  • Quiet Contemplation

  • A Situation or Life Event

  • Support Groups

  • Your Children

But healing doesn’t just happen, it takes work and intentionality. You have to be ready to heal, you must know what needs to heal and only time can produce the right environment. Little by little the layers peel. Don’t rush the process. Your deconstruction journey is a triathlon not a sprint.

If you are recovering from the religious abuse - which may include fundamentalism or Purity Culture - it’s ok if you aren’t ready to deconstruct your views on sexuality…yet. But if you are, Bridgerton might be one stop on your journey.

Image - Netflix

Image - Netflix

This article is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition.

Rebekah is not a licensed therapist or clinician. Any advice or opinions given on this site are strictly her own observation and insights based on personal experiences and study. It should in no way take the place of professional assistance.