Modest Is Hottest
/Christian singer/songwriter, Matthew West*, released a new song and video this week called, “Modest is Hottest.” Mr. West has over a million followers on Facebook alone and has topped the CCM charts. In the music video, which had over 180,000 views in two days, West is attempting to educate his two daughters as to why they should dress modestly. My social media has been full of praise for this “hilarious song with such a great message for girls today,” so I had to check it out for myself.
I didn’t laugh once. Instead, I cringed.
Because I grew up in the Christian, evangelical space, I know this video should not been seen as satire as some conjecture. It is meant to be cute, funny and encourage girls to be modest.
Several years ago, I worked at a large church where celebrity Christians popped in on a regular basis, including Matthew West. I don’t doubt his heart is in the right place, but he has believed a skewed narrative about female modesty handed down over the last several decades within the American church.
Conservative Christians frame modesty with view points such as this: It’s important for women to be modest because men lust after their bodies. Women’s bodies are an eye trap for men. A woman’s modesty is evidence of her walk with Christ. Women must dress and behave modestly as a way to keep men from stumbling. The Bible tells women to be modest. Modesty is a way of showing your submission to Christ and your husband.
Girls are taught that modesty matters while still in grade school, some even younger. I know of some families who had their female crawlers and toddlers wearing leggings under their skirts and with brothers not being allowed to see baby girls getting a diaper change.
If you have sexual thoughts about or lust after a baby, toddler or child, the problem is not a modesty issue. Those feelings have absolutely nothing to do with how the child is dressed. A two year old wearing leggings under her dress is not the remedy to your problem. Seek professional help immediately.
Here is an example of some of the Christian modesty teachings designed for young girls:
Dannah Gresh is an author and founded the organization ‘Secret Keeper Girls.’
Girls are told that bellies are to be saved for their husband.
Girls are told they can show off too much skin or their shape.
Girls are told to avoid panty lines by wearing ‘granny-panties’ and to wear shirts that won’t reveal where cleavage will be some day.
About Modesty
Modesty is subjective. But we weren’t taught that in church.
Each culture, community or family determines what is modest, or appropriate, for them. Each church, organization, school and work place have their own set of dress or modesty guidelines. What is considered modest in one culture is not in another, as I learned when I lived in India. Ankles could not be shown, but your belly and back could - exactly opposite to what was taught in my culture - and these were good, Christians! In a way, seeing modesty from a new perspective was one step towards my faith deconstruction and subsequent Spiritual Identity Disruption TM.
Evangelical and especially fundamentalist Christians have a way of being pretty sure of themselves, and that’s the life I saw lived in front of me. You see, our way was God’s way, the best way. Others just didn’t have as high standards or convictions as we did when it came to dress. They were more worldly, we were more God-honoring.
Example: Women wearing pants was immodest in my church and for many of the people I grew up around, so the suggestion of wearing a turtleneck and sensible pair of slacks would still have made me immodest. Mr. West’s girls are show in gym shorts, using the standards I adhered to for a large part of my life, the girls are immodest as they are wearing shorts which do not touch their knees or are loose enough. Dancing was also immodest, (it was considered sex standing up) and a sin, so Matthew, his wife and girls are again, immodest and sinning.
A focus on modesty is not balanced and it can create self-conscious, naive, over self-aware and hypervigilant girls who think that men are always staring at their breasts and want to hurt them, there is something inherently wrong with their body and a focus on protecting someone else’s thoughts. In a culture where modesty is queen, girls are taught that their outward modesty is a reflection of their inward heart and that modesty will protect them. What actually happens: That modest girl in a long skirt with a loose polo shirt buttoned all the way up stands out like a Zebra in a herd of horses. She can easily be targeted by abusers, bullies and control freaks who are attracted to her submissive, obedient spirit.
Listen to me well reader, modesty teachings are mainstream Christian - it’s not just a subset, cloistered cultish community or “those” people in “that” denomination. If “Modest is Hottest” and the positive feedback it has received proves anything, it’s that this aspect of Purity Culture has infiltrated the hearts and minds of well-intentioned people from all walks inside Western Christian faith. Modesty and purity are intrinsically linked within this context and have led to victim shaming/blaming and the suppression of women in religious spaces.
Dear Daughter,
It’s me, your Mother. I think it’s time we had a talk…
And Jesus loves cardi B.!
I never want you to dress a certain way for anyone’s approval.
I don’t want you to focus on the external your whole life in order to please God or man.
I don’t want you to think your worth is tied to what you do or do not wear.
I never want you to worry about being "hot” - your personality, character, heart and mind are more amazing and more important than being sexy.
It is not your job to keep a boy or man from lusting after you.
Jesus loves you no matter what you wear.
Your body is perfect, there is no need to ever feel ashamed of it.
Your clothes should accent who you are.
Your clothes do not define you.
It is never your fault if you are physically assaulted - no matter what you did or did not have on your body.
Your innocence, virginity or sexual desires are not tied to the clothes on your body.
Wear clothes that are appropriate for the place or situation.
Wear clothes that enhance your natural beauty, grace and dignity.
Wear clothes that are comfortable and are a tool to help you accomplish great things.
Never worry what other people think.
The expression “Modest is Hottest” isn’t just a cutesy phrase, it’s a loaded one - loaded with abuse, manipulation, shame and patriarchy. As a parent, I know what it’s like to want to protect my child. But being modest is not a sure ticket to keep my girl from marrying the wrong guy, sleeping with someone, being assaulted or being a sleazy old man’s eye candy. If it were that simple, a lot would be different in the lives of those I grew up with and the devastating stories I hear every week. Also, being modest is not the litmus test to your relationship with God, He looks at your heart not your outsides.
I’m sure he’s a great guy, and Jesus loves Matthew West, but I must disagree with this teaching he has believed and is now sharing.