Spiritual Identity Disruption
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Spiritual Identity Disruption is when what you believed or were taught about faith or spirituality collides with an opposing lived experience - which may include abuse, trauma, betrayal and hypocrisy.
This polarization cannot be reconciled using the existing foundation thus causing a disruption of identity and crisis of belief.
Spiritual Identity Disruption was developed after I experienced this process in my own life and observed, for more than a decade, this exact pattern as countless others walked the same path, it is inclusive of a wide range of religious and spiritual backgrounds. Every faith or religion, spiritual or belief system has its own unique foundation, but the process of shifting one’s closely held beliefs, convictions or ideologies has a similar process.
Our views about God, religion, faith and spirituality become part of our identity as a person. When those beliefs are challenged, not only do we question the individual beliefs or tenets of the faith which made up our spiritual identity, we also must face who we are as an individual if or when those foundational ideals are altered. Thus, we enter in to Spiritual Identity Disruption.
Subsequently, previously held concepts of politics, family structure and parenting, gender roles, race, morality and other constructs of behavior or belief will also be called into question.
A disruption can be defined as a radical change, interruption or disturbance to a process, event or activity.
This process was inspired by the work of my friend and colleague, Dr. Paulette Bethel.
Stages of Spiritual Identity Disruption
Awareness
Awareness to your situation often comes with some kind of a catalyst. For many it is the birth of their child, watching someone they love being abused, their spouse pulling back from a system they married into, not being allowed to do something they believe is best for themselves, experiencing a betrayl at the hands of a trusted mentor, leader, friend or family membrer or being rejected because of stepping outside of the expected norms.
For others, the awareness is slowly built one observation at a time. This may take months or years, but is often culminated in a moment of unsettling realization: There’s something not quite right about what I have always been taught or believed.
Awareness is also a key element of healing.
Disbelief and Distrust
At first it’s hard to believe that you were in an unhealthy religious community or family, high demand or control group. If those who loved you the most - your parents, family, spiritual community, church and faith leaders - if they could mislead you or control you, lie to you, abuse you or someone you love - why wouldn’t a stranger?
Who do you believe now? Is everyone going to lead you astray? Can you even trust yourself?
Anger might be a new emotion for you, or at least one you must explore. You may not understand or know what emotions you are feeling.
Grief and Loss
After you come to terms with where you are now in your awareness and what path is best for you going forward, often you must take the time to grieve.
Swirling emotions and thoughts encourage you to process:
What was.
What you are losing.
Who you were.
What you thought was reality.
What you believed would be.
This stage of grief and loss may also begin after receiving push-back from loved ones, fellow church/group members and friends. Boundaries will be important and unfortunately, you may even need to grieve the loss of a relationship in this season.
You could discover the five stages of grief cycling through your life - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Searching
Replacing your old beliefs and systems seems very important. You find yourself listening to podcasts, reading books and seeking out stimulating, challenging conversation or interactions. You are willing to explore new thought while gathering information.
Searching for answers to your questions matters greatly to you. Counseling, coaching or therapy are welcomed. Emotions may be raw, triggers come as you begin your healing process.
Words which begin to enter your vocabulary, and new reality, when discussing your religious or spiritual background may include:
Abuse
Trauma
Wrong Teachings
Unbiblical
Shame
Cult
Coercion
Manipulation
Freedom of Thought
High Demand Group
Undue Influence
PTSD
Religious Trauma
Spiritual Abuse
Adverse Religious Experience
Some people might consider this a time of reconstruction, but use caution not to get caught up on the pendulum swing. The urge to go to the opposite, the other side or other extreme of what caused you harm might be strong. Healing is the initial most important part, instead of jumping into a new set of “right” beliefs or way of living.
In this time of searching for answers, searching for truth, searching for things to make sense, you might also find yourself starting to tell your story.
Fear and Uncertainty
“What if I’m wrong?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“What if I mess up my life?”
Since you were so accustomed to knowing for sure what you believed walking into a space where you don’t have all the answers can be terrifying. Or maybe you have been used to being told what to believe and how to live so you find making decisions for yourself is difficult.
You might feel comfortable sitting with fear as it is the basis for many controlling religions, religious practices or ideas. If you entertain fear then you may also find yourself becoming hypervigilant, always looking under every rock for a false teacher, false belief, someone who will hurt you or way you could be harmed. Shame may follow as you question your beliefs, thoughts and practices.
Peace and Advocacy
You have come to terms with where you are right now. This becomes a season of rest both mentally and emotionally. The days of asking questions and the burning desire to resolve those queries has passed. This is a comfortable place which brings some surety. You may discover you are comfortable sharing your journey with others.
Because of a new found confidence, helping and supporting others also experiencing Spiritual Identity Disruption becomes something you seek. You can now give back and help those coming behind you on this journey.
Deeper Consciousness
This is awareness of an even greater depth. Each stage is a building block - each experience a piece of the puzzle - each new truth exposed or “I didn’t realize I believed that!” is a key to unlocking growth.
Your journey through Spiritual Identity Disruption is again taking you to a place of understanding about yourself and the influences from your past. Those things that have been nagging you, new light helps you see clearly. Perhaps that belief or viewpoint you’ve put off changing, you are willing to tackle.
You have healed in many ways or now are comfortable with accepting new information and are willing to change. All the hard work you’ve put in is paying off! Don’t be afraid when a new wave of consciousness appears.
Vulnerability
With your new identity formed, you feel free to express your thoughts and beliefs with others. You are willing to accept criticism or questions about your new identity without finding yourself emotionally disturbed.
Alternating Between Spiritual Identity Disruption Stages
As you walk your Spiritual Identity Disruption journey, you may find yourself moving between theses stages, slowly over time or even within a brief time span. Each person’s lived experience, personality, traumas, and beliefs vary greatly within spiritual or religious settings. We also cannot foresee what others will do, what will happen in our futures or when a new truth will be revealed to us. Thus, we find our healing seemingly going back and forth.
From “Searching” back to “Disbelief and Distrust,” with our “Fear and Uncertainty” making way for a “Deeper Consciousness” or an experience had within “Peace and Advocacy” pulling us back into “Disbelief and Distrust” - you may alternate, or cycle through the stages.
This is part of the process. It is as unique as you are!
If you find yourself experiencing a Spiritual Identity Disruption, first, know that you are not alone.
Secondly, please seek professional care. You may be tempted to become an island. It is hard, but do not walk this path by yourself, you need support and community.
This article is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition.
Rebekah is not a licensed therapist or clinician. Any advice or opinions given on this site are strictly her own observation and insights based on personal experiences and study. It should in no way take the place of professional assistance.