Life

Harm comes in many forms, but its impact is always real. As an abuse and trauma survivor turned advocate, I've witnessed the spectrum of harm that can occur within religious spaces. This spectrum includes spiritual, physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse. While the type, severity, frequency, or intensity of harm may vary, one fact remains constant: harm is harm.

If you spent your teen years steeped in purity culture, and now find yourself parenting a teenager while charting a different course, you're not alone. The fear, uncertainty, and those moments when you feel completely frozen – they're all normal reactions. I've heard from so many parents just like you, grappling with these exact challenges. In fact, as a coach, it's one of the most frequent concerns I hear.

Thanks for ready Part 1 of, “Distilling Therapy: 7 Questions My Therapist Missed.” (However, if you did not read Part 1, you might want to do that now.)

Please join me in diving deeper into questions that can help revolutionize healing for those recovering from religious trauma, high-demand groups or authoritarian structures.

Finding a trauma professional isn't as easy as it seems. (Although in recent years, it's getting easier!) Here are a few of my own experiences and lessons learned - from a survivor perspective, not a professional one.

When I first began questioning the version of faith I had been taught, I was paralyzed by the fear of the infamous "slippery slope" I'd heard about countless times. In my religious community, anything that deviated from our collective beliefs was labeled as dangerous, sinful, or bad.

When I was about twenty, a friend dubbed me "Baptist Girl." This nickname wasn't just about the church I attended; it encapsulated my entire lifestyle.

I was the epitome of a "good Christian girl," meticulously following every rule and expectation. I looked the part, spoke the language, and walked the walk with unwavering dedication.

Recently, someone gave my husband a bag of Tootsie Roll Pops. I ate one today and suddenly, I was back in Sunday School.

Funny how our minds and nervous systems work. I don't remember why Tootsie Roll Pops and Sunday School are connected, but my body does.

With one taste of that candy and my memory escorted me back to Mrs. Harris* and her less than 5-foot-tall frame, legs swinging as she sat atop some large piece of furniture in the classroom. She died when I was about 10 and it's the first time I remember feeling grief.

Care Bears are part of my Religious Trauma story, so when I found this mug at an estate sale with and the quote, “Love is great for growing things,” it all made healing sense I should get it.

Inside fundamentalist and control based religious environments, love is often mocked. “Those people just believe that LOVE fixes everything...that’s not true...you need Jesus combined with Holy living, to call out sin and to live by these specific Biblical principles…”

One would assume that the church would be a place of acceptance and love, grace and belonging, but instead, many enmeshed within a church culture find it a place, which feeds intense shame. Why is this?