The 5 Steps to Deconstructing Your Faith
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No, really. That’s it. There are no steps.
Why?
I’m glad you asked.
It’s overwhelming I know. You’ve recognized something is off with how you were raised or with the system in which your faith is based. You are scared. You aren’t sure who to trust. You’re Googling for answers and desperate for help. You feel that your whole identity is being challenged. And what is this whole deconstruction thing exactly?
Suddenly, in your searching, you see an article entitled, “The 5 Steps to Deconstructing Your Faith,” and you feel like, “Oh good, someone will tell me how to do this!” Well, yes and no.
Let’s be super honest, part of what you are or will be deconstructing from is a system. That system may be rooted in Christian fundamentalism, evangelicalism, patriarchy, coercive control, authoritarianism and more. And the bottom line is you have been trained, programmed if you will, to follow a leader and a system. “There’s a right way and there’s a wrong way. Here’s the right way.”
I’m reminded of one of Disney’s classic cartoons, Peter Pan. The little song, “Following the Leader,” often pops in my head when I witness (and remember) people seemingly blindly following a leader because they are “the man of God,” a Bible teacher, a trusted organization or gifted orator.
And herein lies a pitfall I’ve observed from the faith deconstruction community:
A leader rises, people follow. The leader speaks, people do or believe it.
This is simply a copy/paste of what we say we have or in are in the process of leaving behind! A system based on power or influence, authority or dogma, fear or legalism.
Often, these people genuinely want to help. The organizations or groups, counselors, coaches or authors do want to see you freed from toxic religion. But because we are the first generation escaping from this specific unbalanced view of faith that has engulfed Western Christianity, there are gonna be some potholes in the road as we collectively blaze a new path forward.
Fear forces us to place and adhere to guidelines in order to have the correct beliefs or arrive at an acceptable, predetermined destination. Faith is being willing to accept things we do not understand as well as the uncontrolled outcome. Remember, certainty is the opposite of faith. And it’s possible for faith and doubt to coexist.
“Following the leader, the leader, the leader
We’re following the leader
Wherever he may go
Tee dum, tee dee, a teedle ee do tee day
Tee dum, tee dee, it’s part of the game we play
Tee dum, tee dee, the words are easy to say
Just a teedle ee dum, a teedle ee do tee day”
Listen to me closely when I tell you these two things:
There is no one way to deconstruct your faith.
There is no right way to deconstruct your faith.
I urge you to proceed with caution, while putting on the whole armor of critical thinking skills, if a group or person uses these words:
“Here are the steps to follow to deconstruct your faith.”
“Faithful deconstruction is important.”
“Follow this guide to deconstruct your faith.”
“Here’s how to deconstruct without losing your faith.”
Conversely, here’s what deconstruction does look like:
It’s organic.
It cannot and should not be forced or induced, otherwise it is not truly deconstruction.
There is no time limit.
There is no how-to manual.
It will have scary moments.
You will ask lots of questions you never thought you’d ask.
You regain and maintain spiritual autonomy.
You will find support.
You will feel alone.
You might deconstruct your beliefs and then months or years later, do it again when presented with new information.
You will change your mind about some things and find freedom in that.
You won’t change your mind about everything and will find contentment in that.
There’s no arrival point or end destination. You will know.
