I Am a Survivor of the Bill Gothard Homeschool Cult
When I was six or seven years old, my family joined Bill Gothard’s program - the Institute in Basic Life Principles. I remember a hotel room and strangers babysitting me when we visited Oklahoma City for my parents to attend a training. I believe part of the reason my parents were attracted to the program was the support and community provided exclusively to homeschoolers.
Modest Is Hottest
Christian singer/songwriter, Matthew West, release a new song this week called, “Modest is Hottest.” In the music video, Mr. West is attempting to educate his two daughters as to why they should dress modestly. My social media has been full of praise for this “hilarious song with such a great message for girls today,” so I had to check it out for myself.
I didn’t laugh once. Instead, I cringed.
Deconstructing DNA
Many of the core revelations discovered because of DNA testing can be applied to the reasons why people are choosing to walk away from traditional Christian structures and faith altogether—abuse, hypocrisy, lies, and trauma.
Could it be that science and faith have collided in the quest for truth?
A High-Five to the Southern Baptist Split and Why it Matters
I woke up this morning to more news about the SBC and the saga which continues to unfold. I told my husband, “Well, the SBC is splitting, " he promptly gave me a high-five, then said, “I can guess, but why?” I told him simply, “The primary reasons are spiritual abuse, race and patriarchy,” to which he replied, “I thought so. Good.”
I was a Christian Fundamentalist Mom
When my parenting journey began, I was a Christian fundamentalist parent. I didn’t know any better, it was all I had ever known.
I was young and had waited my whole (brief) life to be a mom. Motherhood had been put on a pedestal and was the highest calling a woman could fulfill. It was what all Godly women do, they are fruitful and multiply being blessed with a quiver full of children who will arise and call them blessed. But becoming a mother is also what toppled me into questioning my faith and the religious formula and methods in which I, myself, had been raised.
With the waves of individuals deconstructing their faith, we tend to focus on the person experiencing the belief deconstruction but forget that behind that person are the parents and systems who raised them.
Here’s a little secret: Parents can deconstruct their beliefs too. I know, because I did.
How Did Jesus Treat Women in the Bible?
Studying the behavior and words of Jesus in the Bible has fascinated scholars for centuries. Books have been written, sermons have been preached, classes taught, and even leadership models developed all based on the example of Jesus.
It is obvious by how Jesus interacts with women that His view of femininity was radically different than the religious and cultural leaders of the day. This may also hold true even in the year 2020. Certainly, Jesus was making bold statements.
The purpose of this article is to review how Jesus treated women in the Bible — and that is remarkable!
What is Trauma Dumping?
Trauma dumping is a term used to describe the unconscious act of people who have been through a traumatic event or experience sharing their trauma with others without considering the emotional wellbeing of the other person or receiving their consent. It is a form of emotional dumping in which a person unconsciously unloads their emotions, pain, and suffering onto others without regard for their feelings.
Does God Have Emotions?
As a parent, we daily coach our children through handling their array of emotions. From toddler tantrums to young adult hormones, encouraging our kids to identify, then giving them the appropriate tools to effectively manage their emotions is a vital step to them becoming successful, relational humans.
Emotional intelligence is now understood to be important to one’s overall health and education, as described by John Gottman in his book, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,
In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.
Christian Apologetics is Not the Solution to Faith Deconstruction
Growing up in Christian fundamentalism, apologetics was huge, especially in the homeschool circles. Drenched in this form of thinking, I have attended lengthy seminars, read books, listened to countless sermons and presentations, practiced my own arguments and yes, even had to take a worldview test with my fiancé before we were given a blessing to wed.
Merriam-Webster supplied the definitions for the words above and reading them with fresh eyes was insightful. The three words which stood out to me were argumentative, authority and defense. Apologetics can be synonymous with the term, “Defending your faith.”
Does "Honor thy Father and thy Mother" Apply to Abuse?
As a coach who interacts with individuals recovering from strict, fundamentalist Christian or religious backgrounds, this is a concern I often hear. “But what about honoring my parents? Is that still something I owe them after what they did?”
This belief is often based on the Biblical Ten Commandments, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” The story of how these commandments came to be is found in the Old Testament. They were given to Moses and written in stone by the hand of God himself. This same idea is also found in the New Testament in Ephesians 6:1-4.
Spiritual Identity Disruption
Spiritual Identity Disruption is when what you believed or were taught about faith or spirituality collide with an opposing lived experience - which may include abuse, trauma and hypocrisy.
This polarization cannot be reconciled using the existing foundation thus causing a disruption of identity and crisis of belief.
Moving Beyond Grace
Faith has often been described as a journey. And what I’ve noticed is that Grace is the depot where lots of people hop off the train and then choose to stay there. But I would like to present to you an alternative trip route.
As I write, I am remembering one of those amazing old train stations I’ve visited in Europe - Paris or London maybe. Beautiful antique tiles line the walls. Movie and show posters are scattered everywhere. People scurry like ants up and down stairs, crossing over to change train lines or stopping briefly in the shop for a coffee. Each person has an exact route they must follow to arrive at their chosen destination.
Purity Culture, Sex and Bridgerton
People have been buzzing about the new Netflix show called Bridgerton. This show took me off guard. I was not expecting to discover the theme of Purity Culture and sex woven into an Austen-esk plot. And yet, there it was, naked and staring unabashedly at me.
16 Lessons Social Media Taught Me About Trauma Response
If you are a trauma or abuse survivor social media can prove difficult sometimes. Images or memes can be triggering as can conversations or interactions with others.
Recently, I had a bit of a kerfuffle with someone on social media. It was not my intention, I basically never engage in virtual debates. It is easy for your tone and intent to get lost in cyber translation. And yet, I found myself in a flurry that happened so quickly it left my head spinning and my pulse elevated.