Rethink Obedience: Breaking the first time obedience and happy heart rules.
Growing up as fundamental Christian kid, obedience was probably the most taught lesson - the key to making it into adulthood, honoring God and a food-proof way to never mess up.
Just obey your parents…all of the Bible…God…all authorities including your Sunday School teachers and pastors…your husband (but only after the authority has transferred from your father on your wedding day)…your grandparents (unless their rules aren’t like home)…your school or class teachers (unless they are teaching you evolution or playing rock music or showing you a movie you can’t watch at home, then, you can up for your faith by “standing alone”)…your babysitter (unless she lets you do something you’re not supposed to do)…and…yup, if you’re confused, try being an evangelical, fundamentalist little girl.
The Divide Between The Church and Those Hurt by the Church
The divide between the church and “de-churched” will only widen until church leaders and communities address this issue head-on, looking for their own mistakes and seeking reconciliation with the people they have wounded. The waves of individuals deconstructing their faith today, is a direct result of chronic misuse of Scripture. It is not rebellion, it is recovery from Religious Trauma.
Growing Up Fundy: An analysis of being raised in Christian fundamentalism.
Evangelical fundamentalism was founded to counter-act the women’s rights movements, especially women working outside the home, and modern theory in a post-World War I world. The movement was at it’s peak during the 1950-1980’s. Sub-denominations were even formed during this time, claiming further truth and belief in Biblical fundamentals – such as the denomination of my childhood, Independent Fundamental Baptist.
Canceling Grandma: The Christian Cancel Culture
Cancel Culture is not new. Christians have been actively practicing it for decades. I am speaking from a lifetime of experience from within the fundamental evangelical Christian realm.
The closest thing I can find in Scripture is from Matthew 5:29, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.”
Parenting: It can be different. You know better.
As someone who is living a life differently than how they were raised, someone who has fought hard to find truth and battled through the agony of deconstruction – little things can become big things when you least expect it.
As you may know, I am a homeschool mom. This often feels like a love/hate situation because you see, I was homeschooled. Triggers, known pitfalls, lack of actual schooling, strained family relationships – I want to avoid those things. I have seen far too much of that
There, however, is much good that comes from home educating your children too – unlimited family adventures, an individualized education, learning new things together, freedom to explore personal learning styles and interests, studying about then traveling the world - I am embracing those amazing things.
Being A Mom Matters
As a mother myself, I feel a heaviness around what is taking place in our society. The division between races, cultures, families, friends, churches, businesses, law enforcement, nations – the division is just that, it’s divisive. The future is being formed right now. This is my child’s world – the world where my grandbabies will be raised. This is our place in history – what happens now matters.
As someone who was raised in a Christian legalistic, fundamentalist environment, starting controversial conversations doesn’t come naturally.
Predisposed to Being Judgmental
We had just moved to a much smaller town. Like big city to a handful of stop lights. Everything had changed - the political climate, culture of the people, There were only a couple local places to eat, no quaint coffee shops and one grocery store. I’d seen men riding horses through town and the police station was a metal building with an elaborate lamp post outside.
It was my first trip to the post office - just a tiny little building in the heart of town. Right before getting out of my car, a beat up 1980’s sports car ripped into the parking lot. The car was a mixture of several bright colors - mostly replacement panels. Music was blaring. And a buddy was laughing in the front seat.
3 Stages of Deconstruction
Deconstruction is a personalized piecing apart of one’s belief system. This may include political and religious views, gender roles, race and identity.
There is no set amount of time – each person deconstructs at their own pace. Often, a painful or dramatic event can initiate the deconstruction process.
A complete deconstruction can involve what feels to be a total erasing of what a person thought was normal – how you interact with people, raise your kids, behave, treat your spouse, believe about your faith, view the world at large and yes, even basic daily practices such as taking a class, getting dressed, eating meals, going to the store or social gatherings.
Netflix's Unorthodox - Thoughts From A Religious Cult Survivor
During COVID-19 and social distancing I've been trying not to watch too many shows or stay glued to social media and my phone. But - then Netflix released Unorthodox.
I succumbed. I binged. They got me. As a religious cult survivor myself, here are a few of my thoughts after I watched Unorthodox:
Ask God the Hard Questions
Have you ever been afraid to ask God the questions in your heart? Do you feel guilty for questioning some things (or everything) you’ve ever believed about God? Is there shame covering you because doubts are flooding your mind?
In my experience, the conservative Christian church has been afraid of allowing people to ask questions. This has left an entire generation of people who have either left the church or are hanging on confused and not truly knowing what they believe.
How I Missed God’s Life-Giving Love
The first time I remember learning about J.O.Y was in Sunday School. I was young elementary age and my well-intentioned teacher walked the class through the acronym.
“Want to have true JOY in your life? Then you must have your priorities straight. To live a proper Christian life that pleases God, we should follow these three simple steps. Jesus always comes first - your daily devotions, in all your decisions, in your job, in everything. Others come second - your family and friends are second after God. You serve them, love them and sacrifice for them. But only after you have followed what God asks from you. Then there’s you. You come after serving God and your family. Jesus Others You - that’s how you have that true joy.”
Surgery, rest and stopping.
My doctor said many women have this procedure done on Friday and return to work on Tuesday. After all it’s “just” laparoscopic.
Thinking positively I figured to myself, “Worst case, I’m functioning 100% within a week.” So, in I went on a Friday for surgery, fully expecting to be like those other women.
The Tuesday after surgery rolled around and I was flat on my back, helpless and in pain. Without assistance, I was incapable of getting in or out of bed. Showering or using the toilet still required help from my husband.
Church Hurts
Going to church can hurt. Like really hurt. As in it can bring on a panic attack or tears and emotional soul wrenching.
The weight of years of partial truth on your shoulders pulls down in full force. There are triggers starting in the parking lot. Just making it inside the church building takes outrageous courage. You want to believe. You want to be there. The foyer starts to spin. Your heart beats faster and faster. People around you become a blur. The feeling to run overwhelms. The music and program format are all too familiar. You remember the past. It feels as though someone is slowly wrapping your body in plastic wrap. Before long, your whole body is tight and you can’t hear anything but the pounding inside your head and you finally give in to the desire to escape before your whole being explodes.
Travel Joy - Paris
Paris.
Just the name brings up thoughts of romance. Movies. Chocolate croissants. Glitz and glam. Art and fashion.
As part of our homeschool experience, my family was able to make the journey to Paris, France - in the middle of September. It was the perfect time to go. It was in the 50’s most days, and a little rainy off and on. We were ready and had packed rain jackets and water-proof boots so the weather didn’t hold us back.
For about a month, our library’s shelves were depleted of anything related to the France and it’s history as we prepared for the trip of a lifetime.