Moving Beyond Grace
Faith has often been described as a journey. And what I’ve noticed is that Grace is the depot where lots of people hop off the train and then choose to stay there. But I would like to present to you an alternative trip route.
As I write, I am remembering one of those amazing old train stations I’ve visited in Europe - Paris or London maybe. Beautiful antique tiles line the walls. Movie and show posters are scattered everywhere. People scurry like ants up and down stairs, crossing over to change train lines or stopping briefly in the shop for a coffee. Each person has an exact route they must follow to arrive at their chosen destination.
Purity Culture, Sex and Bridgerton
People have been buzzing about the new Netflix show called Bridgerton. This show took me off guard. I was not expecting to discover the theme of Purity Culture and sex woven into an Austen-esk plot. And yet, there it was, naked and staring unabashedly at me.
16 Lessons Social Media Taught Me About Trauma Response
If you are a trauma or abuse survivor social media can prove difficult sometimes. Images or memes can be triggering as can conversations or interactions with others.
Recently, I had a bit of a kerfuffle with someone on social media. It was not my intention, I basically never engage in virtual debates. It is easy for your tone and intent to get lost in cyber translation. And yet, I found myself in a flurry that happened so quickly it left my head spinning and my pulse elevated.
Rethink Obedience: Breaking the first time obedience and happy heart rules.
Growing up as fundamental Christian kid, obedience was probably the most taught lesson - the key to making it into adulthood, honoring God and a food-proof way to never mess up.
Just obey your parents…all of the Bible…God…all authorities including your Sunday School teachers and pastors…your husband (but only after the authority has transferred from your father on your wedding day)…your grandparents (unless their rules aren’t like home)…your school or class teachers (unless they are teaching you evolution or playing rock music or showing you a movie you can’t watch at home, then, you can up for your faith by “standing alone”)…your babysitter (unless she lets you do something you’re not supposed to do)…and…yup, if you’re confused, try being an evangelical, fundamentalist little girl.
The Divide Between The Church and Those Hurt by the Church
The divide between the church and “de-churched” will only widen until church leaders and communities address this issue head-on, looking for their own mistakes and seeking reconciliation with the people they have wounded. The waves of individuals deconstructing their faith today, is a direct result of chronic misuse of Scripture. It is not rebellion, it is recovery from Religious Trauma.
Growing Up Fundy: An analysis of being raised in Christian fundamentalism.
Evangelical fundamentalism was founded to counter-act the women’s rights movements, especially women working outside the home, and modern theory in a post-World War I world. The movement was at it’s peak during the 1950-1980’s. Sub-denominations were even formed during this time, claiming further truth and belief in Biblical fundamentals – such as the denomination of my childhood, Independent Fundamental Baptist.
Canceling Grandma: The Christian Cancel Culture
Cancel Culture is not new. Christians have been actively practicing it for decades. I am speaking from a lifetime of experience from within the fundamental evangelical Christian realm.
The closest thing I can find in Scripture is from Matthew 5:29, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.”
Parenting: It can be different. You know better.
As someone who is living a life differently than how they were raised, someone who has fought hard to find truth and battled through the agony of deconstruction – little things can become big things when you least expect it.
As you may know, I am a homeschool mom. This often feels like a love/hate situation because you see, I was homeschooled. Triggers, known pitfalls, lack of actual schooling, strained family relationships – I want to avoid those things. I have seen far too much of that
There, however, is much good that comes from home educating your children too – unlimited family adventures, an individualized education, learning new things together, freedom to explore personal learning styles and interests, studying about then traveling the world - I am embracing those amazing things.
Being A Mom Matters
As a mother myself, I feel a heaviness around what is taking place in our society. The division between races, cultures, families, friends, churches, businesses, law enforcement, nations – the division is just that, it’s divisive. The future is being formed right now. This is my child’s world – the world where my grandbabies will be raised. This is our place in history – what happens now matters.
As someone who was raised in a Christian legalistic, fundamentalist environment, starting controversial conversations doesn’t come naturally.
Predisposed to Being Judgmental
We had just moved to a much smaller town. Like big city to a handful of stop lights. Everything had changed - the political climate, culture of the people, There were only a couple local places to eat, no quaint coffee shops and one grocery store. I’d seen men riding horses through town and the police station was a metal building with an elaborate lamp post outside.
It was my first trip to the post office - just a tiny little building in the heart of town. Right before getting out of my car, a beat up 1980’s sports car ripped into the parking lot. The car was a mixture of several bright colors - mostly replacement panels. Music was blaring. And a buddy was laughing in the front seat.
3 Stages of Deconstruction
Deconstruction is a personalized piecing apart of one’s belief system. This may include political and religious views, gender roles, race and identity.
There is no set amount of time – each person deconstructs at their own pace. Often, a painful or dramatic event can initiate the deconstruction process.
A complete deconstruction can involve what feels to be a total erasing of what a person thought was normal – how you interact with people, raise your kids, behave, treat your spouse, believe about your faith, view the world at large and yes, even basic daily practices such as taking a class, getting dressed, eating meals, going to the store or social gatherings.
Netflix's Unorthodox - Thoughts From A Religious Cult Survivor
During COVID-19 and social distancing I've been trying not to watch too many shows or stay glued to social media and my phone. But - then Netflix released Unorthodox.
I succumbed. I binged. They got me. As a religious cult survivor myself, here are a few of my thoughts after I watched Unorthodox:
Ask God the Hard Questions
Have you ever been afraid to ask God the questions in your heart? Do you feel guilty for questioning some things (or everything) you’ve ever believed about God? Is there shame covering you because doubts are flooding your mind?
In my experience, the conservative Christian church has been afraid of allowing people to ask questions. This has left an entire generation of people who have either left the church or are hanging on confused and not truly knowing what they believe.
How I Missed God’s Life-Giving Love
The first time I remember learning about J.O.Y was in Sunday School. I was young elementary age and my well-intentioned teacher walked the class through the acronym.
“Want to have true JOY in your life? Then you must have your priorities straight. To live a proper Christian life that pleases God, we should follow these three simple steps. Jesus always comes first - your daily devotions, in all your decisions, in your job, in everything. Others come second - your family and friends are second after God. You serve them, love them and sacrifice for them. But only after you have followed what God asks from you. Then there’s you. You come after serving God and your family. Jesus Others You - that’s how you have that true joy.”