Predisposed to Being Judgmental

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Predisposed to Being Judgmental

We had just moved to a much smaller town. Like big city to a handful of stop lights. Everything had changed - the political climate, culture of the people, There were only a couple local places to eat, no quaint coffee shops and one grocery store. I’d seen men riding horses through town and the police station was a metal building with an elaborate lamp post outside.

It was my first trip to the post office - just a tiny little building in the heart of town. Right before getting out of my car, a beat up 1980’s sports car ripped into the parking lot. The car was a mixture of several bright colors - mostly replacement panels. Music was blaring. And a buddy was laughing in the front seat.

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3 Stages of Deconstruction

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3 Stages of Deconstruction

Deconstruction is a personalized piecing apart of one’s belief system. This may include political and religious views, gender roles, race and identity.

There is no set amount of time – each person deconstructs at their own pace. Often, a painful or dramatic event can initiate the deconstruction process.

A complete deconstruction can involve what feels to be a total erasing of what a person thought was normal – how you interact with people, raise your kids, behave, treat your spouse, believe about your faith, view the world at large and yes, even basic daily practices such as taking a class, getting dressed, eating meals, going to the store or social gatherings.

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Netflix's Unorthodox - Thoughts From A Religious Cult Survivor

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Netflix's Unorthodox - Thoughts From A Religious Cult Survivor

During COVID-19 and social distancing I've been trying not to watch too many shows or stay glued to social media and my phone. But - then Netflix released Unorthodox.

I succumbed. I binged. They got me. As a religious cult survivor myself, here are a few of my thoughts after I watched Unorthodox:

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Ask God the Hard Questions

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Ask God the Hard Questions

Have you ever been afraid to ask God the questions in your heart? Do you feel guilty for questioning some things (or everything) you’ve ever believed about God? Is there shame covering you because doubts are flooding your mind?

In my experience, the conservative Christian church has been afraid of allowing people to ask questions. This has left an entire generation of people who have either left the church or are hanging on confused and not truly knowing what they believe.

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How I Missed God’s Life-Giving Love

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How I Missed God’s Life-Giving Love

The first time I remember learning about J.O.Y was in Sunday School. I was young elementary age and my well-intentioned teacher walked the class through the acronym.

“Want to have true JOY in your life? Then you must have your priorities straight. To live a proper Christian life that pleases God, we should follow these three simple steps. Jesus always comes first - your daily devotions, in all your decisions, in your job, in everything. Others come second - your family and friends are second after God. You serve them, love them and sacrifice for them. But only after you have followed what God asks from you. Then there’s you. You come after serving God and your family. Jesus Others You - that’s how you have that true joy.”

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Surgery, rest and stopping.

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Surgery, rest and stopping.

My doctor said many women have this procedure done on Friday and return to work on Tuesday.  After all it’s “just” laparoscopic.

Thinking positively I figured to myself, “Worst case, I’m functioning 100% within a week.”  So, in I went on a Friday for surgery, fully expecting to be like those other women.

The Tuesday after surgery rolled around and I was flat on my back, helpless and in pain.  Without assistance, I was incapable of getting in or out of bed.  Showering or using the toilet still required help from my husband.

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Church Hurts

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Church Hurts

Going to church can hurt.  Like really hurt.  As in it can bring on a panic attack or tears and emotional soul wrenching. 

The weight of years of partial truth on your shoulders pulls down in full force.  There are triggers starting in the parking lot.  Just making it inside the church building takes outrageous courage. You want to believe.  You want to be there.  The foyer starts to spin.  Your heart beats faster and faster.  People around you become a blur.  The feeling to run overwhelms. The music and program format are all too familiar. You remember the past. It feels as though someone is slowly wrapping your body in plastic wrap. Before long, your whole body is tight and you can’t hear anything but the pounding inside your head and you finally give in to the desire to escape before your whole being explodes.   

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Motherhood: Complaining, Becoming a Group Drop Out and Deconstruction

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Motherhood: Complaining, Becoming a Group Drop Out and Deconstruction

Mommy groups have never been my thing. I just never fit in. As a younger mom, I really tried to connect with other moms in my church and community. Whenever I tried, it just wasn’t natural. Everything was awkward. Finally, I stopped forcing myself into uncomfortable situations.

For years I thought something was wrong with me and I was just a social misfit.

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Brokenness

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Brokenness

After years of counseling, changing beliefs and thought patterns and seeking God's truth, the realization happened again, "I am broken.  My family is broken.  Will it ever end?  I need help."  My husband and I had just had a fight and my emotions were raw.  Pain from the past and fear for the future was filling my heart.  But then I heard, "We are all broken," inside my head, and the freedom of knowing this was a human condition, not merely a Rebekah condition calmed me.  "I will always need help.  No one can ever be perfect.  That's why there's Jesus."

Brokenness is another Christian buzz word.  Unfortunately, it's a word that has been used to control people and make us continue working to achieve God's approval.    

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Go LIVE!

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Go LIVE!

Go LIVE! in Life

As I sat in a small cabin in the mountains of New Mexico, it was snowing.  About four inches of good, powdery snow.  The air was crisp and invigorating.  Wild turkey and deer were venturing around the property.  Thankfully, no bear sightings.

While on vacation, and for a bit before that, I'd realized something.  I'd starting to buy into a lie.  "Live for the picture."

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