When I was about twenty, a friend dubbed me "Baptist Girl." This nickname wasn't just about the church I attended; it encapsulated my entire lifestyle.
I was the epitome of a "good Christian girl," meticulously following every rule and expectation. I looked the part, spoke the language, and walked the walk with unwavering dedication.
Read MoreRecently, someone gave my husband a bag of Tootsie Roll Pops. I ate one today and suddenly, I was back in Sunday School.
Funny how our minds and nervous systems work. I don't remember why Tootsie Roll Pops and Sunday School are connected, but my body does.
With one taste of that candy and my memory escorted me back to Mrs. Harris* and her less than 5-foot-tall frame, legs swinging as she sat atop some large piece of furniture in the classroom. She died when I was about 10 and it's the first time I remember feeling grief.
Read MoreCare Bears are part of my Religious Trauma story, so when I found this mug at an estate sale with and the quote, “Love is great for growing things,” it all made healing sense I should get it.
Inside fundamentalist and control based religious environments, love is often mocked. “Those people just believe that LOVE fixes everything...that’s not true...you need Jesus combined with Holy living, to call out sin and to live by these specific Biblical principles…”
Read MoreOne would assume that the church would be a place of acceptance and love, grace and belonging, but instead, many enmeshed within a church culture find it a place, which feeds intense shame. Why is this?
Read MoreHey there, friend. Can we talk about something that's been weighing on my heart lately? It's about how love sometimes gets twisted in Christian homes, turning into a tool for control instead of the beautiful, unconditional thing it's meant to be.
You know that feeling when you're a kid, and your mom promises you can go to your best friend's house on Saturday? You're so excited, counting down the days. But then Saturday morning rolls around, and you forget to clean your room on Friday. Suddenly, that play date you've been looking forward to all week? It's gone. Poof. Just like that. "If you can't be responsible at home," they said, "you don't get to go out and have fun."
Read MoreDid you grow up in a high-demand religion or a cult? Have you ever felt like an outsider to life and couldn’t put into words exactly why? If so, you are not alone and perhaps, what I explain in this article will resonate with you.
One day as I was having a conversation about my childhood (and subsequent religious trauma recovery journey) with a dear friend of mine, Dr. Paulette Bethel, she suddenly said, “Rebekah, you’re a TCK!” This expression was new to me so I asked her to explain.
Read MoreParenting is such a wild ride—full of ups, downs, and everything in between. You’ve finally nailed the toddler and elementary years when, wham! You wake up one morning and now have a teenager in your home with those years full of their own challenges, developmental stages and complexities.
When you’re also carrying the weight of your own childhood trauma, parenting can often feel like an even bigger challenge. But here’s the thing: your trauma is not your child’s trauma. In fact, showing our kids how we learn, grow, and tackle tough stuff can be one of the best lessons we can give them.
Read MoreIn this thought-provoking article, we delve into the challenging terrain of communicating deconstruction, faith transition, and religious trauma with family. This is not meant to be a definitive piece, but rather a discussion of some of the obstacles, difficulties, and considerations you may face.
As we navigate these uncharted paths, we may be seen as daring to challenge conventions (heretic) or defying the status quo (rebellious.) Buckle up as we embark on a journey that demands courage and an unwavering commitment to our own soul, conscience and overall health.
Read MoreWatching Shiny Happy People is observing the first half of my life in what feels like an out of body experience. Internal agony and struggle, mind shifts and identity disruption, loss of people I love, fear and confusion, new experiences and blazing ahead alone, these things have defined my years since becoming aware I had been raised in a cult. It’s what it took for me to leave, learn a new way and forge a life outside the lines of authoritarian control and spiritual abuse.
The Duggar family has long been who I reference when I tell people that I grew up differently from mainstream culture. Dang, even differently from most evangelical culture. “Have you seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? Yes? Well, that’s my background.” It was extreme fundamentalism; we were the radicals.
Religious trauma is a sensitive topic that requires a therapist who is knowledgeable and experienced in addressing the unique challenges that come with it. If you're seeking therapy to overcome religious trauma, it's crucial to ask the right questions to ensure that the therapist is well-equipped to help you. Here are ten insightful questions to ask a therapist to assess their religious trauma competency.
Read MoreIf this was you, listen to me closely: You do not have to embody every little thing you now believe. That’s overwhelming and may be impractical or “too much” for you today. Our beliefs are not who we are, but they do inform how we behave. You are aware now, but have wounds and traumas which must heal. Each role may not be possible for you to take on now or ever - and that’s ok.
Read MoreSpiritual abuse has long been veiled as Christian parenting. People just buy into the system hook, line and sinker. While it’s true spiritual abuse can have some physical features, it’s generally more subtle. Spiritual abuse first affects a person’s mind, moves into their core beliefs, and then informs their actions. Spiritual abuse intersects with psychological and emotional abuse in this way because spiritual abuse impacts mind, body and soul.
Read MoreTrauma bonding is widely known to happen in controling or toxic relationships such as within an unhealthy parent/child or husband/wife structure. The emotional bond occurs when the victim becomes dependant on the abuser in unbalanced ways. While this type of bond is prevalant in abusive one-on-one relationships, can trauma bonding happen in a person's relationship to their church community as well?
Read MoreFirst off, spiritual abuse, religious trauma and other terms found in this article are not a new thing. Abuse within religious organizations, churches and leadership has been around as long as there has been organized religion…or people for that matter.
Read MoreLet’s be honest, the Holidays can be rough. There are so many expectations - dinners to make, parties to attend, attire to select, gifts to buy, family to see, pictures to take, lawns to decorate and trees or tables to adorn. Add in the journey of faith deconstruction or religious trauma recovery and that “ho-ho-ho” might feel more like “woe-woe-woe.”
Read MoreMany of the core revelations discovered because of DNA testing can be applied to the reasons why people are choosing to walk away from traditional Christian structures and faith altogether—abuse, hypocrisy, lies, and trauma.
Could it be that science and faith have collided in the quest for truth?
Read MoreWhen my parenting journey began, I was a Christian fundamentalist parent. I didn’t know any better, it was all I had ever known.
I was young and had waited my whole (brief) life to be a mom. Motherhood had been put on a pedestal and was the highest calling a woman could fulfill. It was what all Godly women do, they are fruitful and multiply being blessed with a quiver full of children who will arise and call them blessed. But becoming a mother is also what toppled me into questioning my faith and the religious formula and methods in which I, myself, had been raised.
With the waves of individuals deconstructing their faith, we tend to focus on the person experiencing the belief deconstruction but forget that behind that person are the parents and systems who raised them.
Here’s a little secret: Parents can deconstruct their beliefs too. I know, because I did.
Read MoreTrauma dumping is a term used to describe the unconscious act of people who have been through a traumatic event or experience sharing their trauma with others without considering the emotional wellbeing of the other person or receiving their consent. It is a form of emotional dumping in which a person unconsciously unloads their emotions, pain, and suffering onto others without regard for their feelings.
Read MoreGrowing up in Christian fundamentalism, apologetics was huge, especially in the homeschool circles. Drenched in this form of thinking, I have attended lengthy seminars, read books, listened to countless sermons and presentations, practiced my own arguments and yes, even had to take a worldview test with my fiancé before we were given a blessing to wed.
Merriam-Webster supplied the definitions for the words above and reading them with fresh eyes was insightful. The three words which stood out to me were argumentative, authority and defense. Apologetics can be synonymous with the term, “Defending your faith.”
Read MorePlease Note: This is an educational website to support healing and growth. It is not a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment, please contact your nearest mental health agency, and if you are in crisis, contact your nearest emergency services.
I respect your privacy.
© 2018-2024 RebekahDrumsta.com | All Rights Reserved - Designed by Create and Communicate, LLC
