“They listed everyone but me!” - Third Culture Kids and the High-Demand Religion or Cult Connection

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“They listed everyone but me!” - Third Culture Kids and the High-Demand Religion or Cult Connection

Did you grow up in a high-demand religion or a cult? Have you ever felt like an outsider to life and couldn’t put into words exactly why? If so, you are not alone and perhaps, what I explain in this article will resonate with you.

One day as I was having a conversation about my childhood (and subsequent religious trauma recovery journey) with a dear friend of mine, Dr. Paulette Bethel, she suddenly said, “Rebekah, you’re a TCK!” This expression was new to me so I asked her to explain.

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Navigating Family Reactions to Your Deconstruction, Faith Transition or Religious Trauma Recovery

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Navigating Family Reactions to Your Deconstruction, Faith Transition or Religious Trauma Recovery

In this thought-provoking article, we delve into the challenging terrain of communicating deconstruction, faith transition, and religious trauma with family. This is not meant to be a definitive piece, but rather a discussion of some of the obstacles, difficulties, and considerations you may face.

As we navigate these uncharted paths, we may be seen as daring to challenge conventions (heretic) or defying the status quo (rebellious.) Buckle up as we embark on a journey that demands courage and an unwavering commitment to our own soul, conscience and overall health.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 3.

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Shiny Happy People - A survivor's hot take on Episode 3.

Watching Shiny Happy People is observing the first half of my life in what feels like an out of body experience. Internal agony and struggle, mind shifts and identity disruption, loss of people I love, fear and confusion, new experiences and blazing ahead alone, these things have defined my years since becoming aware I had been raised in a cult. It’s what it took for me to leave, learn a new way and forge a life outside the lines of authoritarian control and spiritual abuse.

The Duggar family has long been who I reference when I tell people that I grew up differently from mainstream culture. Dang, even differently from most evangelical culture. “Have you seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? Yes? Well, that’s my background.” It was extreme fundamentalism; we were the radicals.

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10 Questions to Ask When Seeking a Therapist Who Is Religious Trauma Informed

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10 Questions to Ask When Seeking a Therapist Who Is Religious Trauma Informed

Religious trauma is a sensitive topic that requires a therapist who is knowledgeable and experienced in addressing the unique challenges that come with it. If you're seeking therapy to overcome religious trauma, it's crucial to ask the right questions to ensure that the therapist is well-equipped to help you. Here are ten insightful questions to ask a therapist to assess their religious trauma competency.

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You Don't Have to Embody It All

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You Don't Have to Embody It All

If this was you, listen to me closely: You do not have to embody every little thing you now believe. That’s overwhelming and may be impractical or “too much” for you today. Our beliefs are not who we are, but they do inform how we behave. You are aware now, but have wounds and traumas which must heal. Each role may not be possible for you to take on now or ever - and that’s ok.

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Signs of Spiritual Abuse in Children and Families

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Signs of Spiritual Abuse in Children and Families

Spiritual abuse has long been veiled as Christian parenting. People just buy into the system hook, line and sinker. While it’s true spiritual abuse can have some physical features, it’s generally more subtle. Spiritual abuse first affects a person’s mind, moves into their core beliefs, and then informs their actions. Spiritual abuse intersects with psychological and emotional abuse in this way because spiritual abuse impacts mind, body and soul.

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Trauma Bonding With the Church

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Trauma Bonding With the Church

Trauma bonding is widely known to happen in controling or toxic relationships such as within an unhealthy parent/child or husband/wife structure. The emotional bond occurs when the victim becomes dependant on the abuser in unbalanced ways. While this type of bond is prevalant in abusive one-on-one relationships, can trauma bonding happen in a person's relationship to their church community as well?

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Spiritual Abuse And Seven Other Terms Defined

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Spiritual Abuse And Seven Other Terms Defined

First off, spiritual abuse, religious trauma and other terms found in this article are not a new thing. Abuse within religious organizations, churches and leadership has been around as long as there has been organized religion…or people for that matter.

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10 Tips to Surviving the Holidays With Religious Trauma

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10 Tips to Surviving the Holidays With Religious Trauma

Let’s be honest, the Holidays can be rough. There are so many expectations - dinners to make, parties to attend, attire to select, gifts to buy, family to see, pictures to take, lawns to decorate and trees or tables to adorn. Add in the journey of faith deconstruction or religious trauma recovery and that “ho-ho-ho” might feel more like “woe-woe-woe.”

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Deconstructing DNA

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Deconstructing DNA

Many of the core revelations discovered because of DNA testing can be applied to the reasons why people are choosing to walk away from traditional Christian structures and faith altogether—abuse, hypocrisy, lies, and trauma.

Could it be that science and faith have collided in the quest for truth?

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I was a Christian Fundamentalist Mom

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I was a Christian Fundamentalist Mom

When my parenting journey began, I was a Christian fundamentalist parent. I didn’t know any better, it was all I had ever known.

I was young and had waited my whole (brief) life to be a mom. Motherhood had been put on a pedestal and was the highest calling a woman could fulfill. It was what all Godly women do, they are fruitful and multiply being blessed with a quiver full of children who will arise and call them blessed. But becoming a mother is also what toppled me into questioning my faith and the religious formula and methods in which I, myself, had been raised.

With the waves of individuals deconstructing their faith, we tend to focus on the person experiencing the belief deconstruction but forget that behind that person are the parents and systems who raised them.

Here’s a little secret: Parents can deconstruct their beliefs too. I know, because I did.

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What is Trauma Dumping?

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What is Trauma Dumping?

Trauma dumping is a term used to describe the unconscious act of people who have been through a traumatic event or experience sharing their trauma with others without considering the emotional wellbeing of the other person or receiving their consent. It is a form of emotional dumping in which a person unconsciously unloads their emotions, pain, and suffering onto others without regard for their feelings.

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Christian Apologetics is Not the Solution to Faith Deconstruction

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Christian Apologetics is Not the Solution to Faith Deconstruction

Growing up in Christian fundamentalism, apologetics was huge, especially in the homeschool circles. Drenched in this form of thinking, I have attended lengthy seminars, read books, listened to countless sermons and presentations, practiced my own arguments and yes, even had to take a worldview test with my fiancé before we were given a blessing to wed.

Merriam-Webster supplied the definitions for the words above and reading them with fresh eyes was insightful. The three words which stood out to me were argumentative, authority and defense. Apologetics can be synonymous with the term, “Defending your faith.”

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Does "Honor thy Father and thy Mother" Apply to Abuse?

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Does "Honor thy Father and thy Mother" Apply to Abuse?

As a coach who interacts with individuals recovering from strict, fundamentalist Christian or religious backgrounds, this is a concern I often hear. “But what about honoring my parents? Is that still something I owe them after what they did?”

This belief is often based on the Biblical Ten Commandments, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” The story of how these commandments came to be is found in the Old Testament. They were given to Moses and written in stone by the hand of God himself. This same idea is also found in the New Testament in Ephesians 6:1-4.

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Spiritual Identity Disruption

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Spiritual Identity Disruption

Spiritual Identity Disruption is when what you believed or were taught about faith or spirituality collide with an opposing lived experience - which may include abuse, trauma and hypocrisy.

This polarization cannot be reconciled using the existing foundation thus causing a disruption of identity and crisis of belief.

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Purity Culture, Sex and Bridgerton

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Purity Culture, Sex and Bridgerton

People have been buzzing about the new Netflix show called Bridgerton. This show took me off guard. I was not expecting to discover the theme of Purity Culture and sex woven into an Austen-esk plot. And yet, there it was, naked and staring unabashedly at me.

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16 Lessons Social Media Taught Me About Trauma Response

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16 Lessons Social Media Taught Me About Trauma Response

If you are a trauma or abuse survivor social media can prove difficult sometimes. Images or memes can be triggering as can conversations or interactions with others.

Recently, I had a bit of a kerfuffle with someone on social media. It was not my intention, I basically never engage in virtual debates. It is easy for your tone and intent to get lost in cyber translation. And yet, I found myself in a flurry that happened so quickly it left my head spinning and my pulse elevated.

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Rethink Obedience: Breaking the first time obedience and happy heart rules.

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Rethink Obedience: Breaking the first time obedience and happy heart rules.

Growing up as fundamental Christian kid, obedience was probably the most taught lesson - the key to making it into adulthood, honoring God and a food-proof way to never mess up.

Just obey your parents…all of the Bible…God…all authorities including your Sunday School teachers and pastors…your husband (but only after the authority has transferred from your father on your wedding day)…your grandparents (unless their rules aren’t like home)…your school or class teachers (unless they are teaching you evolution or playing rock music or showing you a movie you can’t watch at home, then, you can up for your faith by “standing alone”)…your babysitter (unless she lets you do something you’re not supposed to do)…and…yup, if you’re confused, try being an evangelical, fundamentalist little girl.

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Growing Up Fundy: An analysis of being raised in Christian fundamentalism.

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Growing Up Fundy: An analysis of being raised in Christian fundamentalism.

Evangelical fundamentalism was founded to counter-act the women’s rights movements, especially women working outside the home, and modern theory in a post-World War I world. The movement was at it’s peak during the 1950-1980’s. Sub-denominations were even formed during this time, claiming further truth and belief in Biblical fundamentals – such as the denomination of my childhood, Independent Fundamental Baptist.

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